BOOK REVIEW
How I Saved
the World
- Jesse Watters -
Broadside Books
ISBN-13: 978-0063049086
__________
Like that time I took
Tammy Snodgrass to
the Senior Prom, the
just-released memoir
from Jesse Watters
provided a uniquely
satisfying experience.
Who knew the seats in
my dad's '78 Chevette
would even go back
that far?
__________
Today, ravenous viewers crave a more potent supplement in their cable TV news diet. And nobody in the biz meets that consumer demand better than the culinary crew at FOX News. In the spirit of full disclosure, I will admit openly to being a fan. Usually.
Truth be told, "Team FOX" is comprised of rock star personalities who are just more interesting than their sad competitors. C'mon now, you tell me — regardless of which side of the political fence you reside, if you're lookin' for a good time, what's it gonna be — a semi-formal soiree at Rachel Maddow's, or a bottoms-optional pool party at Kennedy's? I mean, an all-day ordeal at the DMV with Greg Gutfeld has got to be more fun than an all-night excursion in da club with Don Lemon. Am I a right? Then there's Dana Perino. Who wouldn't want to be her dog? But I digress.
So, when I heard that FOX News poster boy Jesse Watters was set to drop a book this summer, I felt a little tingle, not unlike Chris Matthews' left leg during Obama's inauguration. I snatched up a copy posthaste once it hit store shelves last week. But just as I was about to dive into what I expected would be a sizzlin' summer read, I was struck by a frightening notion. What if Watters' much-hyped memoir actually — sucked? Perish the thought.
Many years ago, I was blessed to be mentored by an amazing author. As I struggled with crafting my first novel, the seasoned vet took me under his wing and offered invaluable guidance. "Quarantine your reader at PAGE ONE," he said. "And keep 'em paralyzed," he added. Apparently, Watters got that same memo, as he paralyzes readers successfully with How I Saved the World.
Have you ever read a celeb memoir — maybe by a famous rock star? Onstage, the non-binary musician typically can barely stand up, and in interviews they're a total train wreck. Yet, you open their book, and the same non-binary musician speaks like a card-carrying Mensa member. Wait, what? Alright, admit it, you did NOT write your own book. Well, that's not the case here. Watters' unique voice rings as true as Lil Nas X yammerin' at a Gay Pride parade.
As a conservative Christian who contributes pop culture features to various entertainment news outlets, I have to choke down all kinds of content that doesn't exactly line up with my personal compass. As a result of my learned ability to remove that "stick" from my nether region, I've discovered (and enjoyed) many films, an array of records and a bounty of books I might otherwise have missed. Conversely, if readers from the other side of that fence cut Watters the same slack, they'd find that the dapper Watters' World host has quite an entertaining tale. And he might even be almost likable. Maybe. Relax — I said, maybe.
Watters' conversational style, personal experiences, political insights and razor-sharp wit are key components in his compelling story — one that delivers tremendous payoff — from his account of a certain harrowing NYC subway ride to recollections of being raised by ultra liberal parents to the startling revelation that during his time working at The O'Reilly Factor, many staff members were — democrats. WTF? That doesn't fit the script!
His lifelong work ethic is impressive. Earning his current celebrated FOX status, Watters "did what (he) was told," as he climbed the ladder from the basement newsroom to the executive boardroom, from behind-the-scenes anonymity to front-and-center notoriety. Watters cooks with gas, reflecting on his past journalistic missions, from Hollywood high-clearance events to a Florida nude beach resort to an Ivy League gay sex party. He even once rescued the baby Jesus from the clutches of Satan — sorta. Love him or hate him, How I Saved the World is as edge-of-your-seat riveting as it is laugh-out-loud funny. And as Watters himself points out frequently throughout, he's "the nicest guy in the world."
From puffed-up to self-deprecating, Watters' engaging and candid sense of humor drives the story, as he takes readers on his 300-page ambush — making friends, burning bridges and dropping names all along the way. However, a few names have been changed, e.g. Ruddy Balzac — priceless. And his mom's near-endless slew of scathing text messages are hilarious.
Even Watters likely would confess that the book's bold title might overreach a smidge. Clearly a multi tasker, he can peck at his keyboard and wink at his audience simultaneously. And by not taking himself too seriously, he lets us all in on the gag. Although I'd dispute the claim that he "saved the world," for a guy like me who was starved for a seasonal treat, Watters definitely at least saved my summer. 4/5
-Christopher Long
(July 2021)
- A SHOT OF POISON -
"10th Anniversary Edition"
(2020)
__________
- SUPERSTAR -
__________
- SHOUT IT OUT LOUD -
(2014)
__________
- C'MON! -
(2012)
