Friday, September 23, 2016

RECORD REVIEW: Meat Loaf "Braver Than We Are"

Meat Loaf
Braver Than We Are

Hot patootie  bless my soul,
one of rock's all-time greats
has just released his latest.
So, what's the verdict? Let's
dive in and have a looksie.

My writing partner, Bryan Dumas, and I have been friends for more than 35 years. And ever since our crazed teenage party days, we've both maintained personal passions for the brilliant music created by the team of vocal powerhouse, Meat Loaf, and songwriting genius, Jim Steinman. In fact, when Bryan and I bought our first CD players back in '84, Meat Loaf's iconic, 30 million-selling, 1977 Bat Out of Hell record was the first disc that each of us purchased.

During a phone conversation earlier this week, Bryan and I were actually discussing Meat Loaf and Steinman's perceived "Where are they now?" status. So imagine my surprise when I discovered Braver Than We Are tucked away in the "New Release" section of my local supercenter later that same day. I notified Bryan immediately, who in short order, located a few selected tracks online. His review? Not good. In fact, his critique was so honest (and by "honest," I mean "brutal") that I had to buy a copy and hear it for myself. I mean, how bad could it really be? But within seconds of popping the CD into my car Hi-Fi, it became painfully clear that Braver Than We Are actually is 17 times worse than Bryan had described. And suddenly, it was as if I could hear the voice of Nigel Tufnel  chiming in from the backseat — Is this a joke? Excuse me. Is this a joke?

The musicianship  impeccable. The backing vocals — superb. The production — top-notch. And the signature-style arrangements  world-class. So, how on earth can a record that warrants such a glowing endorsement be so patently bad? It's simple. Everyone involved with the project stepped up to the plate and hit home runs — everyone that is, except for the two legendary names printed on the cover.

Produced by Meat Loaf guitarist, Paul Crook, the record sounds fantastic. And while the music is certainly there, the songs are not — surprising and disappointing, given the level of expectation associated with purchasing a record with the words, All Songs by Jim Steinman emblazoned across the cover. Simply put, the compositions here are monolithic aural slabs meandering, while never arriving at a desirable destination. Lyrically, Braver Than We Are also delivers disappointing results. In "Speaking in Tongues," Steinman writes (in true Spın̈al Tap fashion), It's time to start a fire. And I know we'll make it good. We're overflowing with desire. You've got the spark, I got the wood. I expect that level of dopiness from Gene Simmons — not from the guy who wrote "For Crying Out Loud."

As I've learned from years' worth of first-hand experiences, rock stars simply can NOT handle the truth, and they need to be surrounded by "yes men" at all times. But holy cow, Meat Loaf really needed (and deserved) a dose of truth on this one. Vocally, the record is an embarrassing disaster embarrassing not only for the listener, but also for the one-time virtuoso. To say that Meat Loaf has lost his chops would understate his dreadful performance. The man who decimated fans worldwide 40 years ago with his chilling delivery of "Heaven Can Wait," now barely possesses tavern-type karaoke caliber ability — struggling even with spoken vocal parts.

Giving this misguided record a pass would be dishonest and misleading to fans who might be considering plunking down their hard-earned dollars based the duo's otherwise stellar reputation. Furthermore, ignoring the Emperor's extreme lack of clothing would impugn this team's truly magnificent past work. The cover, however, is magnificent! 

-Christopher Long
(September 2016)

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Tuesday, September 6, 2016

SUMMER 2016: Hot Highlights from a Steamy Season

Hot Highlights from
a Steamy Season

Does anybody get amped
about working during the
summertime? Me neither. 

I'll bet that I've got publicists fuming from coast to coast  Hey, where's that freaking review we've been expecting for the last 12 weeks?! Okay, in the spirit of full disclosure, I confess that I'm less than motivated to get much work done during the "dog days." Then again, who is? And with the season now officially in the rear view, I guess it's time to get cracking. But first, I wanted to take a moment to reflect, and to share a quick personal overview of some of the people, places and events that made my summer of 2016 so amazing and memorable.

I've never been much of a "beach bum." However, I do possess a particular passion for Daytona Beach. I always have — ever since first moving to Florida with my family during the mid '70s. 40-plus years later, I still try to visit "The World's Most Famous Beach" for at least a couple of days each summer — as I was blessed to do last July. Simply put, being in Daytona makes me feel like a kid again — transporting me back magically to a more carefree and innocent time in my life. After all these years, it still does.

"The World's Most Famous Beach"
I tend to live life in a delusional state where I'm eternally young. As a result, I often lose sight of the fact that I'm NOT 17 anymore. Fortunately, as part of Central Life Church (located on Florida's sunny Space Coast), I'm afforded the opportunity to remain connected to (actual) young people as an active "adult" member of the youth ministry leadership team. And as one of the world's oldest kids, I always look forward to participating in the church's summer youth camp program. To say the least, the camp experienced has "evolved" since my day, back in '70s. Billed as Forever Young, Central Life's 2016 summer getaway played out at a luxury high-rise hotel, just south of Cocoa Beach. Nearly 50 teenagers enjoyed a spirited week's worth of swimming, surfing, sand and sun — culminating in more than a dozen salvations. Now THAT'S truly big stuff! A fantastic experience  for all of us young people.

I was honored to serve alongside
these incredible men and women as
a member of the 2016 Forever Young
summer youth camp leadership team.
The tagline is direct and to the point  “No instruments. Just voices.” And it's always a pleasure getting to spend one-on-one time with members of the New Jersey-based rock-appella group, The RockNRoll Chorus. Comprised of more than two dozen high school-age performers, the RNRC has become an acknowledged national touring act since first forming, ten years ago. And I still get jazzed when the group comes to Florida each summer. I recounted my personal 2016 experience in an exclusive Ink 19 feature story in August. Read it HERE.

Chillaxin' backstage in Orlando with
members of The RockNRoll Chorus.
What summer season is complete without at least a few live concert experiences? I took in a slew of live shows over the summer — some proved more satisfying than others. While I personally had difficulty choking down the soulless performance from current flavor of the week, Halsey, thousands of adoring (predominantly female) teenage disciples did connect with her painfully synthetic style. However, I was wowed MORE than sufficiently by opening rock act, Bad Suns. And although this year's multi-act Vans Warped Tour and the August Orlando performance by Butch Walker both packed tremendous punch, the mismatched triple-bill onslaught of In This MomentHellyeah and  Shaman's Harvest left me feeling victimized, shivering under a blanket at the scene of the crime.

After-show with Palaye Royale
at Vans Warped Tour in July 2016.
Many impressive and noteworthy records made it to my Hi-Fi set this summer, including Clean Your Clock, the sizzling new live offering from MotörheadThe Boom Boom Room served as a mighty, must-hear debut for newly-minted rock poster boys, Palaye Royale. And I thoroughly enjoyed getting "baked" at the beach with Vol. II, the sensational sophomore release from Miami's super-crunk, pop-punk combo, Geezer. Featuring the outrageous remake of Katy Perry's, "I Kissed a Girl," it was THE feel-good record of the summer!

Terrific tunes for troubled teens!
I have a hard time shelling-out wads of cash only to ingest the same trash that, as a nightclub DJ, I get paid to endure. And recently, cineplexes have been flooded with more lowbrow stinkers than ever before. Hence, I find myself going to the movies less and less frequently these days. However, I did venture out to see a few flicks this summer. Popstar shoulda and coulda been great, but the quality control bar was set so low that I actually stubbed my toe on it as I made my way to my seat. Delivering a familiar storyline, Finding Dory was an engaging and entertaining sequel to the 2003 blockbuster, Finding Nemo  good family fun, for sure. And although it's reflective of the type of content that usually keeps me away from theaters, I will admit that Bad Moms had me laughing out loud — a lot.

Bad Moms could have been
titled, Almost Fabulous.
Fortunately, I found time this summer to dive into several compelling new books. Brett Weiss' Encyclopedia of KISS was quite entertaining, while God's Path Toward a Resurrected Marriage by Sharon Migala and Dr. Larry Ollison's Unlocking the Mysteries of the Holy Spirit were both incredibly inspirational. I was also delighted to discover author Violet Favero's second children's book, Sunday Dinner at Silly Yaya's. And in the final days of the season, I was thrilled to receive a copy of Scary Close, the latest memoir from one of my all-time favorite authors, Donald Miller. Focusing on dropping our "guard" and getting "real" in our personal relationships, it's been hailed as Miller's best work. Look for my official review, coming soon.

Much thanks to my longtime
friend and creative collaborator,
Chris Dillon, for sending me a
copy of Donald Miller's latest.
There ya go — another summer's worth of memories for the ol' scrapbook. And I'd also really like to hear about your summer experiences. So, feel free to share your personal stories in the "Comment" section below. But for now, I just want to say "thanks" for stopping by and taking the time to read my stuff. Get ready, Christmas is right around the corner!

-Christopher Long
(September 2016)

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Tuesday, August 30, 2016

JOAN JETT: Glorious Results of 40 Years of Rock and Roll

Photo courtesy of Jen Cray @
Glorious Results of 40
Years of Rock and Roll

It was just the other day. I was
rummaging through the sky-
high stacks of records piled up
in my home office — searching
for the perfect soundtrack to
enhance my afternoon writing
session. Then, I spotted a CD
that I hadn't visited in a long
time — The Runaways' debut.
Suddenly, it hit me like a sack
of rocks — holy cow, this record
came out 40 freakin' years ago!
And so the story begins.

I can still remember the summer of '76. In fact, it was exactly 40 years ago today when, as a crazed 13-year-old, I was blasting my KISS 8-Track on the family Hi-Fi set, while perusing the latest issue of People magazine that my mom had just brought home from the A&P. And there they were — on page 32  The Runaways. GULP! It was my first-ever glimpse of the new So-Cal, all-girl rock combo, and my interest was piqued, to say the least. But while other teenage boys would soon zero in on Cherie Currie, the band's blond bombshell lead singer or lead guitarist Lita Ford and her airbrushed, micro hot pants, I was immediately more intrigued by the group's dark and mysterious rhythm guitarist — 17-year-old, Joan Jett.

(Lita Ford, Joan Jett, Jackie Fox,
Sandy West and Cherie Currie)
With the airwaves dominated by chart-busting feel-goods about romantic rodents, dancing waterbirds and Twinkie addicts, The Runaways' guitar-driven self-titled debut was viewed as less than radio-friendly when it arrived in the summer of 1976. As a result, it barely grazed the lower rung of the Billboard Top 200. Subsequent releases, Queens of Noise and Waitin' for the Night, didn't fare much better — at least not in the U.S. However, The Runaways were embraced more warmly abroad particularly in Japan and Sweden where they were hailed as bona fide rock stars. Seemingly unable to shake the stigma attached to the "jail bait" image created by eccentric manager, Kim Fowley, the band failed to gain the momentum necessary to break through the glass ceiling of the male-dominated U.S. rock scene. After four solid studio records, and with a (now) ever-changing line-up, The Runways had finally run out of steam by 1979. But in ensuing years, several of their tracks, including "Cherie Bomb," "I Love Playin' with Fire," and "School Days," have become classics songs that either were written, or co-written by  Joan Jett.

Fast-forward to the summer of '81. Having graduated only a few days earlier, I found myself headed out with a couple of my high school buddies to see the Ramones perform at a club in Orlando. From the driver's seat, Pat popped a Memorex tape into his car cassette deck. From the back seat, I reached out and snatched up the case from the console of his '65 Mustang. The hand-written insert read: JOAN JETT Bad Reputation. The songs that began tearing through the speakers sounded fresh and exciting to me — edgier than anything I remembered hearing previously from The Runaways. During one of the sweatier-sounding cuts, Jett posed the lyrical question, "Do you wanna touch me?" My raging teenage hormones prompted me to reply with a resounding, "Oh, hell YES!" Despite a few of the tracks possessing a bit of a bubblegum feel, Jett's debut solo record made for an overall comfortable stylistic fit with many of my other newly-minted favorites, such as The Sex Pistols, The Clash and of course, the Ramones. Simply put, Joan Jett was now BACK on my radar!

By early 1982, radio had (finally) discovered Joan Jett, and her band, The Blackhearts, as the infectious, chart-topping breakout single, "I Love Rock and Roll" was receiving massive airplay across the board. And while working my daily shifts at a prominent Florida record shop, I gave the entire soon-to-be platinum-selling I Love Rock Roll album near non-stop in-store exposure. The songs were crisp and catchy, (primarily) three-minute earworms that oozed attitude. Gloriously Lo-Fi, the authentic-sounding speaker crackle buzzing throughout only enhanced the record's appeal — and I couldn't get enough of it. And with Jett's striking fuchsia jacket and porcelain-white skin popping off the electron-blue background, the cover made for an album that looked as sensational as it sounded. Heck, even after nearly 35 years, "(I'm Gonna) Run Away," "Victim of Circumstance" and "You're Too Possessive" still get me "chubby."

Jett continued clobbering the Billboard charts with her third record, Album, in 1983 and the 1984 follow-up, Glorious Results of a Misspent Youth. Described best (by me) as cozy campfire companions to I Love Rock and Roll, both records provided ample portions of retro-style doo-wop and rockabilly, with layers of irresistible street-wise harmony vocals  all pinned to a modern-day pop-punk backdrop. Now spitting out high-energy hits like a human rock and roll Pez dispenser, Jett scored with such arena-style sing-alongs as "Fake Friends," "Everyday People," "The French Song," "I Love You Love Me Love," "I Need Someone" and the super-sweet 1984 remake of "Cherry Bomb." Released during the days just prior to MTV going totally viral, I would often rush home early from weekend parties in order to catch episodes of Friday Night Videos, Night Flight, and Night Tracks in hopes of capturing at least one of Jett's eye-catching videos on my trusty Beta-max recorder. But it wasn't the radio tunes that drove me to grinding the grooves off these two records — it was lesser played tracks, including "A Hundred Feet Away," "Secret Love," "Hold Me," "Long Time," "Someday" and "I Got No Answers" that (still) hit me like aural heroine.

Arguably her finest work to date, Jett's fifth record, Good Music, arrived in late 1986. From the well-crafted songs to the world-class performances to the polished-to-perfection production, the record  exemplified a beautiful balance between grit and gloss. Although Good Music stalled-out at what had to be a disappointing #105 on Billboard, the hooky title track, as well as "This Means War," "Outlaw" and "Contact" all grabbed me by the nards, and commanded me to cough — hard. Remakes of The Modern Lovers' "Roadrunner," The Beach Boys' "Fun, Fun, Fun" and the Jimi Hendrix classic, "You Got Me Floatin'" were all turbo-charged, and consequently they smelled like heaven. It was also during the Good Music tour when I first saw Jett perform in concert. It would take a couple of years before I could think straight again or even function effectively in the real world.

Graduating to movie star status, Jett made her silver screen acting debut in the 1987 feature film, Light of Day. Although the role hardly seemed like a stretch, Jett received high marks for her portrayal of Patti Rasnick, guitarist for the fictional rock band, The Barbusters. In fact, despite being cast alongside such established names as Michael J. Fox, Gena Rowlands and Michael McKean, I personally thought that Jett stole the show. In addition to various tunes from an array of popular artists, the soundtrack also featured a fistful of new Jett tunes, including the Bruce Springsteen-penned title track.

Up Your Alley returned Jett to the Top 20 album chart in 1988. Boasting the back-to-back Top 20 singles (and MTV staples), "I Hate Myself for Loving You" and "Little Liar," the record was Jett's first million-seller in six years. Other stand-out tracks included "Ridin' with James Dean," "I Still Dream About You" and Iggy Pop's, "I Wanna Be Your Dog," I had the pleasure of catching a couple of  theater dates on the Up Your Alley tour. I was even invited personally by a station staff member to be a spectator when Jett gave a live on-air radio interview in Orlando during the tour. Long story short, Joan Jett was super-cool. Decked-out from head-to-toe in black denim and leather, she smiled, shook my hand, signed my album, and even posed for a picture with me — while I just stood there,  whimpering and wetting myself  like a pathetic little wuss.

Given her longstanding reputation for revisiting classics, Jett's 1990 covers album, The Hit List, likely made sense at the time. But in hindsight, it was possibly a bit of a misstep — for various reasons. While the re-vamped version of AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds" made for an engaging single and video, others (for me) lacked the sizzle of some of her previous remake efforts. However, I will say that Jett's take on the iconic Everly Brothers / Nazareth hit, "Love Hurts" serves as one of her shiniest crown jewels. And after attending numerous Jett performances in clubs and theaters, I finally had the distinct privilege of seeing her live on an arena stage during the Hit List tour — opening for Aerosmith in April 1990. In short, sometimes bigger is better.

Three years had passed since Jett ran the table in 1988. And by the time her next proper studio album, Notorious, was released in August 1991, the rock and roll landscape was changing drastically. Consequently, the record that I like to refer to as the sexier Siamese twin to Up Your Alley, received nowhere near the attention that it deserved. Following a lengthy separation, I went back recently and revisited Notorious. Simply put, it still holds up. "Backlash," "Ashes in the Wind," "Lie to Me," "Don't Surrender," "Treading Water" — ALL superb! Particular props are also due for "Wait for Me." Recorded originally by The Runaways, it's possibly the best of the 10-song batch. Gee whiz, if Notorious had only been released a year and a half earlier...

I was on tour working as a personal assistant for a platinum-selling arena rock band during the summer of 2006. I remember being on the bus late one night, watching VH-1 while en route from a concert in Green Bay to the next night's show in Chicago. Wedged within a barrage of videos from the likes of Nelly Furtado, Gnarls Barkley and the Pussycat Dolls, the striking and brash-sounding new clip for "A.C.D.C" came suddenly screaming across the HD screen. I leaned over quickly and apprised the bass player for whom I was working, "Holy crap — that's Joan Jett!" Although Jett had been touring consistently over the years and had released several compilation and import records, this remake of the 1975 Sweet classic was the first new music that I'd heard from her since the Pure and Simple album in 1994 — and it was, HOT! So, on my next off-day from the tour, I took a cab to the nearest record store and nabbed a copy of Jett's just-released Sinner CD. Also featuring such noteworthy selections as "Riddles," "Change the World" and a remake of her own 1983 album track, "A Hundred Feet Away," Sinner (along with Cheap Trick's Rockford) proved to be one of the hottest rock records released during that long and steamy summer. In fact, when the tour I was on had a date at Jones Beach amphitheater, I went to the Virgin Mega Store in Times Square and bought a second copy  a birthday gift to the legendary drummer for whom I was also working.

A hefty chunk of Jett's personal and professional life story played out on the big screen in the 2010 feature film, The Runaways. As I noted in my original online review, I found the movie to be quite entertaining. I also commented that while Dakota Fanning did a lovely job of portraying Cherie Currie, Kristen Stewart literally became Joan Jett in her role. Two enthusiastic thumbs-up, for sure.

Jett's 12th studio record arrived in September 2013. Featuring "Any Weather," "TMI," "Fragile" and "Different," Unvarnished delivered some of her strongest material in decades, and serves as a glorious showcase for a truly iconic artist whose "tires" clearly still own enough tread to sustain unlimited additional laps around the track.

Showing no sign of slowing down in 2016, Jett, along with fellow legendary co-conspirators, Heart and Cheap Trick, is currently on a monster-sized U.S. concert tour  one that will have her criss-crossing the country through September 23rd.

In sum, you can't fake rock and roll — certainly not for 40 years, anyway. When an artist walks onstage and steps up to the mic, they'd better have something real — something relevant to say. From day one, Joan Jett has always accomplished both. When she sings about love, heartbreak and life's frustrations — delivered in her signature, authentic, heartfelt rasp, we feel it too, or at the very least, we can relate to it. And after four decades of ever-changing trends and fads, Joan Jett continues to maintain total artistic integrity. As longtime manager / business partner / collaborator / producer, Kenny Laguna, put it so perfectly and succinctly during her 2015 induction into The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, "Joan Jett IS rock and roll!"

-Christopher Long
(August 2016)

Me and Joan
(Orlando, FL / Jan. '89)

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is available NOW on Amazon.

Also from Christopher Long...
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Saturday, August 20, 2016


Theatre for Youth 2016-2017

The launch of each new
school year means two
things on Florida's sunny
Space Coast  the kick-
off to another dreadful
Dolphins season, and
the kick-off to another
delightful season for the
King Center's acclaimed
Theatre for Youth Program.

Located on the Melbourne campus of Eastern Florida State College, the Maxwell C. King Center for the Performing Arts has been entertaining, educating and enriching area students (grades K-12) through its Theatre for Youth program for the last 20-plus years. And according to longtime project director, Karen Wilson, the 2016-2017 season stands to be one of the best and brightest yet.

"Our commitment to fostering
positive experience for youth
remains a priority through the
programs offered each season."
-Karen Wilson

As a fervent, 40-year supporter of Melbourne's art scene — one who also possess a personal passion for the area's young people, I remain one of the King Center's most spirited cheerleaders  particularly when it comes to supporting the Theatre for Youth program. As a result, I'm thrilled to offer a sneak peek at the show schedule for the upcoming season.

Thurs, October 20 / 10:30am
(Suggested audience: Grades K–2)

This irresistible dog loves everything
about books! Fast-paced and funny,
Dog Loves Books is a delightful
musical that celebrates the power
of imagination and sharing with others.

Music and Stories of the
American Revolution
Tues, October 25 / 10:30am
(Suggested audience: Grades 3–12)

The year is 1776, and the audience
journeys back in time to experience
events in American History. This
interactive theatrical production is
underscored with music and stories
of the Red Coats and the many
courageous leaders that helped
shape the landscape of our country.

Mon, December 5 / 10:30am
(Suggested audience: Grades 1-5)

A heartwarming treasure — a classic
musical, complete with holiday décor.
A timeless tale of a father’s love for
his family,.that's sure to help ring in
the season of merriment.

Tues, January 17 / 10:30am
Groups 10 or more!
(Suggested audience: All ages)
Featuring the traditions and centuries
old art form, the Golden Dragon
Acrobats dazzle the audience with
their vibrant costumes, daring feats of
athleticism and heart-stopping stunts.

What's Going on
Here, Beakman?
Tues, January 31 / 10:30am
(Suggested audience: Grades 3–6)

Using old and new school technology,
this live stage show features wacky
and visually compelling, large scale
science demonstrations, aimed at
introducing young audiences to
neuroscience in a fun, dynamic,
accessible, and memorable way.

Bach to Rock to Hip-Hop
Thurs, February 23 / 10:30am
(Suggested audience: Grades 6–12)

Members of the audience will journey
through various genres of music,
underscored with a blend of classical,
hip-hop, salsa, jazz and much more.
This concert is sure to empower
critical thinkers, spark creativity
and provide a cultural exchange.

Tues, March 7 / 10:30am
(Suggested audience: Grades 1–5)

Adapted from the epic Chinese folk
poem, The Song of Mulan will teach
the audience the true meaning of
family honor and traditions as the
story comes alive through authentic
costumes, scenery and music.


Tues, October 25 / Immediately following the show
(Suggested audience: Grades 4–5)

In conjunction with the main stage performance of The World Turned Upside Down: Music and Stories of the American Revolution, this interactive workshop is presented in cooperation with the League of Women Voters of the Space Coast. Through a series of hands-on activities, the workshop will cover such topics as: the development of the colonies in America, their progression to independence from England, their growth into a strong United States, the making of the American flag, and an understanding of the power and responsibility of voting.

Registration priority is open on a first come basis to guests who purchase seats for the main stage show.

Thurs, February 23 / 6pm
(Suggested audience: Grades 6 – 12)
$6 — cost for the concert is additional $10

The Project Trio Workshop is a fully interactive class that is open to all ages, instruments, and at any level. We encourage you to bring your instrument, no matter what style of music you like to play. Whether you are a first-time improviser or have been jamming for years, the class will be fun and informative. There will be an emphasis on Rhythm, Composition, Improvisation, Extended Techniques and Building Ensembles with any instrumentation. SPACE IS LIMITED!

Wow, sounds like fun, right? A dog who's a bookworm, death-defying acrobats, a Christmas classic AND MORE! A stellar season line-up, to be sure. In fact, I'll even be hittin' up a few of these shows myself. Heck, if anybody thinks that I'm gonna miss Beakman, they'd be sadly mistaken!

All shows go on sale Friday, September 9th at noon. Admission for each show is $10 per person $8 per person for groups of ten or more. King Center ticket office hours are Monday - Friday, noon - 6pm. Saturday, noon - 4pm. To order by phone, call (321) 242-2219. For groups of ten or more, call (321) 433-5718. Online tickets are also available, 24/7 at

-Christopher Long
(August 2016)

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