Tuesday, April 4, 2017

THE DIRTY DOZEN: The 12 Coolest, Must-See Bands on Vans Warped Tour 2017

THE DIRTY DOZEN
The 12 Coolest, Must-See Bands
on Vans Warped Tour 2017
_________________________

As a crazed young man in 1996,
attended Vans Warped Tour
for the first timeAnd as a little
old man in 2017, I still revel in
the festival's rich pageantry.
_________________________

Simply put, I'm psyched about this year's Vans Warped Tour line-up. Quite honestly, given my personal penchant for guitar-driven, hook-laden, garage-birthed, power pop / rock, I believe 2017 represents one of the festival's strongest rosters in a very long time. In fact, I'll be attending multiple dates this summer. So, without further ado, let's swoop in and take a looksie at the 12 coolest bands on the upcoming sweat-soaked caravan.

12
ALESTORM

On the surface, Alestorm might seem
like a typical, booze-swilling modern-
day heavy metal vomit band — one in
desperate need of a shower. But check it
out, dude — they're pirates. Count me in!
___________________________

11
DANCE GAVIN DANCE

Wherever Will Swan is, so am I.
That is all.
(Dance Gavin Dance)
___________________________

10
BARB WIRE DOLLS

Anointed personally by
LemmyBarb Wire Dolls
is an authentic, nasty little
punk band with great songs.
I only hope to get so close to
the stage that I can shower
in the sweat dripping from
Isis Queen's dirty nylons.
___________________________

9
BAD SEED RISING

What I recall most vividly about seeing
Bad Seed Rising on the 2016 Warped
Tour is being knocked out by the overall
melodic savagery of the band's tunes, and
how impressed I was by the individual
performance of powerhouse frontchick
Francheska Pastor. I'm eager to relive
that steamy experience this summer.
__________________________

8
PLAYBOY MANBABY

One of my grooviest personal discoveries
since stumbling upon Koo Koo Kanga Roo
at Warped Tour 2015  Playboy Manbaby
has the second-coolest name on this year's
tour. And I will totally be front-and-center,
drooling like a bona fide fanboy in 2017.
_________________________

7
STACKED LIKE
PANCAKES

While Kellen McKay maintains his
band has the worst name on this year's
Warped Tour, I contend the Maryland-
based troupe has the coolest name on
the outing. Regrettably, I missed seeing
Stacked Like Pancakes while on the 2015
Warped Tour. However, based on their
high-energy performance at the festival's
recent kick-off press event, I won't be
missing them this time around.
__________________________

6
COURAGE MY LOVE

Canadian trio Courage My Love hooked
me immediately, and then reeled me in
with their polished, electro pop sound.
And I'm eager to see and hear how their
sweet and snappy package delivers on
a sticky and sweaty Warped Tour stage
__________________________

5
SAVE FERRIS

Spicier and scrappier than ever,
Monique Powell brings back
the original zesty Warped Tour
flavor with the latest edition of
Save Ferris. And if the band's
new record, Checkered Past
is an accurate indicator, they
ain't gonna be playing games.
A 2017 must-see, for sure.
_________________________

4
BAD COP / BAD COP

More macho than NOFX, and less fem
than Good Charlotte, California golden
girls, Bad Cop / Bad Cop just might
have the tastiest tunes out of all their
2017 counterparts. But if you tell them
otherwise, they just might beat your ass
out in the parking lot after the show.
Like, seriously? Yeah. Oh yeah!
________________________

3
THE FANTASTIC
PLASTICS

Super-fun and exciting,
The Fantastic Plastics
is so authentically and
beautifully old school,
they actually feel brand-
spanking new — the
most amazing cultural
advancement since Pong,
________________________

2
DOLL SKIN

Holy cow, I adore this band! So crisp, so
crunchy — and totally irresistible, I'll
be flying from Orlando to Denver just to
catch Doll Skin while on their abbreviated
run during the Warped Tour opening week.
_________________________

1
JULE VERA

There I stood  stupefied, with corn
dog in-hand, experiencing Jule Vera
for the first time on the 2015 Warped
Tour. Two years later, I've now seen
the kids from Lee County six times.
And I remain convinced that they are
in fact, the greatest band on earth.
_________________________

It's gonna be a long, hot, and glorious summer. See ya at the show(s)!

-Christopher Long
(April 2017)

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