Saturday, February 22, 2014

TOP 10 WORST KISS ALBUMS

 TOP TEN WORST
KISS ALBUMS
_________________________

The iconic rock band
KISS just celebrated a 
milestone. 40 years
ago last week, their 
debut album first
arrived in stores
officially launching
the band's epic, yet
often dubious career.
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During the 1970s, they were trailblazers — producing some of rock's all-time greatest records, including Dressed to Kill, Destroyer, Rock and Roll Over and 1975's landmark double-live concert set, ALIVE! — not to mention their historic 1978 solo albums. However, by the '80s, KISS had become followers — consistently creating horrendously un-listenable, and mind-numbing pabulum. So, in honor of the band's recent 40th anniversary, I thought that it might be fun to shed light on their ten most heinous musical crimes.

10
The Elder
(1981)

This stinker was born when somebody
in KISS actually suggested, "Hey,
let's become the Moody Blues."
Misguided and embarrassing.


9
Hot in the Shade
(1989)

We used to be dangerous, 
then we were disco. But now, 
we're blues-based rockers,
 just like, um, Bon JoviNo, 
really — we swear we are!


8
Animalize
(1984)

Crunchy guitars. Big drums.
Wailing vocals. Weak songs.


7
Crazy Nights
(1987)

KISS masquerading as a 
hair band.Yeah, it seemed 
dumb then too.


6
You Wanted the Best...
(1996)

"Big" Gene: We gotta cash in on 
the reunion, but we're out of material.

"Little" Gene: No sweat. We've 
still got some crappy old live 
tracks that we haven't used yet.


5
Sonic Boom
(2009)

Uninspired cock rock created 
by guys in their 70s.


4
ALIVE III
(1993)

You actually can hear 
Nigel Tufnel in the 
background on Side Two 
asking,"Is this joke?
Excuse me, is this a joke?"


3
Psycho Circus
(1998)

This was touted as an awesome 
studio album that reunited the 
original four members.
It wasn't.


2
Carnival of Souls
(1997)

KISS masquerading as a grunge 
band.Bruce Kulick's facial hair 
wasn't even convincing. The 
band's silliest album ever.


1
Monster
(2012) 

Lyrically, the band's dopiest 
effort to date. And by now,
"Big" Gene and  "Little" Gene
should be setting the bar
much higher than this.

*This feature is intended as a source of lighthearted entertainment. It is in no way meant to malign the dignity or tarnish the reputation of artists whose impeccable body of work includes such timeless pop standards as "Plaster Caster," "Burn Bitch Burn" and "Bang Bang You."

-Christopher Long

The latest from author Christopher Long
is available NOW on Amazon.

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4 comments:

  1. I could not agree with you more! It would be difficult to rate which one of these was worse than the other because all 10 of these were equally bad. But, I think The Elder was the most disappointing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Vince,

      Thanks for backing me up on this one. Great hearing from you!

      -Chris

      Delete
    2. No problem... We all have to stick together when letting people who claim to be the "Hottest Band in the World" know when they are producing below par work.
      By the way, how jacked up is it, that these guys are getting nominated for an induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, then are denying Ace and Peter the right to be part of it....

      Delete
  2. Chris, I have to agree with Vince, Music from The Elder was just plain bad and to top it off, they never did anything with the supposed "concept" that the album was to represent. No movie, no book, nothing.

    ReplyDelete