Tuesday, February 4, 2014



Since I don't have 
expressed permission
for anything from
any official agency, 
offering an analysis
of last weekend's
super sports event
presents a distinct
challenge. But I'll
give it a shot...

To most know-it-all fanatics and seasoned odds-makers, the outcome of this well-publicized match-up seemed like a no-brainer. However, as a supremely astute sports student, I knew better. In fact, not only did I correctly pick the winning team, I also predicted the huge blowout — before the botched coin toss. FYI, whenever it comes to sports predictions, always listen to the guy wearing nail polish.

Within minutes of the opening play, it became clear that this game would (as I predicted) quickly become a snooze-fest and that its true entertainment value likely would be measured best off the field. Hence, I focused on the insightful commentary provided by the former members of a professional sports franchise that is known for its star logo. I also enjoyed the sideline perspectives of the female broadcaster who flaunted the fabulous Rick James circa '92 fashion sensibility.

Being a bona fide sports nut, I always 
have my nail tech apply a protective 
gloss coat before I ever hit the field.

As for the event's musical segment, the fresh-faced current pop star offered one of the all-time best intermission performances. And the inclusion of the spirited classic rock act helped successfully to bridge generational gaps.

In keeping with longstanding tradition, the televised product advertisements met with tremendous fan anticipation. One of the most engaging spots featured a well-known Christian athlete donning heavy metal stage attire while promoting a high tech communication service. Another personal favorite starred an iconic folk singer from the 1960s who offered a bold pro-American-made automobile message. I also got a kick out of seeing the hilarious results of canine cross-breeding.

In sum, the overall event certainly packed plenty of punch. And I thoroughly enjoyed taking in the action as I sat on the couch, in front of my massive 21" color screen, while wolfing down chili from my prized Hannah Montana cereal dish — I call it my "super" bowl. However, I did find it kinda creepy having to endure so many dudes in tights grabbing each other's asses for three hours. I mean, c'mon — that's TOTALLY, well, you know.

-Christopher Long
(February 2014)

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