Monday, February 3, 2014

RECORD REVIEW: Sting "The Last Ship"

The Last Ship
Cherry Tree Records

Sting is a bona fide
pop / rock superstar.
He recently released
his 11th solo record — 
his first in a decade to
offer all-new material.
Wow, this ought
to be amazing!

Produced by Sting and Rob MathesThe Last Ship serves as an aural replica of my girlfriend's Super Bowl nachos — both epic fails.

Far be it for a guy like me to suggest that a guy like Sting could, or would, produce THE worst record of all time. However, I will describe his latest effort as a dreadful and un-listenable train wreck of modern-day McCartney-like proportions — which might be hard to believe considering the record was inspired by the closure of the shipyards in town where Sting grew up — across the pond. Hmm, it certainly sounds "rock and roll," right?

Like my girlfriend's Super Bowl nachos,
Sting's latest record is an epic fail.
In short, The Last Ship offers 12 tracks, 0 hooks, mind-numbing lyrics and crotchety vocals — and not even the diabolical sound of Stewart Copeland snickering with delight in the background can provide enough fun factor to salvage this retched record. Thank goodness I've still got my Outlandos d'Amour vinyl LP. "Masoko Tanga" — now, that was a snappy tune!

-Christopher Long
(February 2014)

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