Saturday, February 1, 2014

K-MART: Straight Up Gangsta!

Straight Up Gangsta!

More thrilling than 
thrifting and more 
marvelous than the 
mall, a trip to K-Mart
always has been an 
extreme experience —
especially today!

What does the fox (socks) say?
It's been rainy and dreary in the
"Sunshine State" all week —
perfect conditions for shopping. 
As usual, I'd be DJ-ing all weekend,
and I was in dire need of awesome
new swag. "Hey, there's K-Mart

I scored 
this hard core Presidential placemat at
K-Mart. Now I'll now be chillin' at the 
table every morning  — 
FOREVER. Don't be hatin' the player, "G."!
I remember making countless excursions
to the original discount supercenter
with my mom while I was growing
up during the super-shag early '70s.
I hoped that today's visit would
recapture those magical experiences.

These intoxicating Jessica Simpson and 
Paris Hilton fragrances are part of
K-Mart's new Irrelevance Collection
Yep, K-Mart still smelled like the inside
of my granny's ice box, and structurally,
nothing seemed to have changed in the
last 40 years either. It was like stepping
back in time — but without an awesome
selection of Farrah Fawcett posters.

Even after all these years, K-Mart still
has everything I could possibly need.
I mean, where else in 2014 can a guy
find three racks FULL of Hannah
Montana lunch boxes? Yes, of
course I bought one. However, I've
opted to adjust the strap and use mine
as a shoulder bag. I'm SO crunk!

I now only will be keeping my private
journals in this massive new collector's
set of Taylor Swift notebooks. We're both
very complicated artists and I already
can smell sweet inspiration a-comin'. 

Thanks K-Mart, you still makin' me
lose my mind — up in here, up in here!

-Christopher Long
(February 2014)

The latest from author Christopher Long
is available NOW on Amazon.

Also from Christopher Long...
Get it on Amazon.


  1. Thanks for the laugh, totally needed that today! HAHHHAHAHAHA! I miss you, man!

    1. Thanks, Lisa. Always great hearing from you. TTYS?