Christopher Long

RECORD REVIEW: Seal "Soul 2"

2012-02-11T22:10:00.000-05:00

SEAL - Soul 2
(Reprise Records)

Grammy-winning R&B powerhouse Seal returned to "New Release" bins at Starbucks, Walmart, and Best Buy last month with Soul 2, the sequel to his 2008 Top 20 remake record, Soul.

Having scored numerous hits of his own over the years, including "Crazy" (1991) and "Kiss from a Rose" (1995), the forty-eight-year old London native once again opts to give props to classic R&B from the '60s and '70s -- resulting in a record far more appealing than most of the gazillion cover tune records that have flooded the dying marketplace in recent years. In fact, with his smooth yet powerful signature style, few if any artists on today's contemporary auto-tune music scene could have delivered such an engaging tribute.

Although they achieved two huge Top Ten hits ("Car Wash" - 1976 and "I Wanna Get Next to You" - 1977), Rose Royce is a name that comes up less frequently than The Commodores, Ohio Players and Earth, Wind & Fire when discussing classic R&B groups. However, they made enough of an impact on Seal for him to tip his hat to the Los Angeles-based outfit not once, but twice on Soul 2. "Love Don't Live Here Anymore" was originally only a minor hit in 1978, reaching #32 on the pop charts, while "Wishing on a Star" failed even to reach the Top 40. However, Seal nails these two to the wall beautifully and despite likely being the least-known track on Soul 2, "Wishing" is perhaps the record's crowning jewel.

Seal remains true to the original vibe and arrangement of most of the tunes, such as Al Green's "Let's Stay Together," The O'Jays' "Back Stabbers" and The Spinners' "I'll Be Around." However, with the assistance of producers Trevor Horn and David Foster, even the spot-on versions feel and sound fresh.

But even an artist like Seal, operating well within his comfort zone, is capable of aiming, pulling the hammer and misfiring. Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On" was originally a beautifully gritty, iconic masterpiece. However, Seal's version of the 1972 hit sounds closer to a Rodgers and Hammerstein show tune than a compelling cultural commentary from a troubled period in our nation's history. And the remake of "Lean On Me" simply lacks the stank of Bill Withers' original 1972 #1-selling version.

Additional highlights include Teddy Pendergrass' 1980 slow jam, "Love TKO," The Miracles' 1965 smash, "Ooh Baby Baby," "Oh Girl," the #1 hit from The Chi-Lites and "Love Won't Let Me Wait," the Top Five hit from Major Harris.

In short, Soul 2 is simply a wonderful treat for fans of classic soul music from a time when the term "R&B" was synonomous with talented musicians playing actual instruments and singers who understood melody and sang heartfelt songs filled with passion and emotions beyond "blastin' caps" and gittin' their "drink on" with "hos" in "da club."

-Christopher Long

(February 2012)

*Author Christopher Long's new book,

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

is available NOW! CmonTheBook.com

MY NEW BOOK "C'MON!" (The Promo Blitz Is on)

2012-02-09T15:28:00.004-05:00

Whether you're signed with a major publisher, a boutique start-up, or going completely independent, the responsibility of promoting a book release lies squarely on the shoulders of the author.

Through the experience of releasing my debut in 2010, I learned first-hand the ins and outs of book promotion.

Although the amount of time spent devoted to blogging, social networking and other online efforts often can prove to be a mind-numbing (yet very necessary) process, I find other aspects of book promotion to be quite enjoyable. And I eagerly was anticipating the opportunity to hit the promo trail once again in 2012, supporting my second book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation.

I've had a blast recently doing in-the-studio and phone-in interviews on various radio stations. Show hosts thus far have been quite enthusiastic about C'MON! and seem to connect with my story. Listener call-ins also have been a lot of fun.

However, it's the live, one-on-one book signing experience that I find particularly rewarding. On my first in-store tour in 2010 I met many teenagers who were less impressed by my rock and roll exploits and more interested in the fact that I was an author. It was refreshing to connect with young people who shared my passion for reading and writing.

My first live promo event for C'MON! took place this past week. I was a bit nervous going onstage that night as I hadn't done a proper book signing since the end of my first tour in November 2010. Also, this particular event was being held in, of all places, a nightclub called Siggy's, located in Palm Bay, Florida. That's right -- given the ever-changing world of publishing, I'll be meeting, greeting and signing books in a variety of venues in 2012, from traditional bookstores to churches, and yes, even a few bars!

I'll continue to apprise my blog readers of upcoming events and appearances as they are scheduled throughout 2012.

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
The latest from author Christopher Long

GET YOUR COPY TODAY!

CmonTheBook.com

RECORD REVIEW: Van Halen "A Different Kind of Truth"

2012-02-08T18:13:00.000-05:00

Van Halen - A Different Kind of Truth
Interscope Records

At age fifty, I'm not the same pot-smoking, rock-driven, chick-chasing, moronic newbie that I was at age twenty. Since, oh say, "1984" I've experienced parenthood, survived a divorce, endured career highs and lows, as well as challenges with the PTA, the IRS and the local PD. I hang out with a completely different group of friends – most of whom also share similar life experiences. I speak differently, dress differently and frequent different establishments. And I don't listen to, or even like much of the same music. But be sure that I've not become that "old boring guy." I simply realize that life is about a lot more than cruisin' on a Friday night while guzzlin' wine coolers and crankin' Metal Shop. In the full spirit of disclosure, I'll admit though that as a teenager, I thrived on the shirtless, spandex-wearing, hard rockin' golden "Diamond" Dave era of Van Halen. And well, thirty years later, I guess that some addictions are still hard to kick.

I've been quite fascinated by the recent brouhaha leading up to the long-awaited and much-hyped release of Van Halen’s latest, A Different Kind of Truth – the band’s first full-length effort with original frontman David Lee Roth since their 1984 record – twenty-eight years ago. What I found particularly amusing about most of the online Dave vs. Sammy / beat up on Wolfie-type dialogue is that many fans seem to be still living in – 1984. The overall expectation seems to be that somehow, a band that is celebrating its 40th anniversary this year could and should meticulously recreate and recapture the same "magic" in 2012 as in 1978 – which is simply unrealistic, and unfair.

Let’s be honest, kids – the classic Van Halen swagger was lost long before David Lee Roth ever quit. Case in point: “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love” vs. “Jump.” (C'mon, you know I’m right.) Or how about this – compare the raw, bad-ass factor of the original 1978 “Running with the Devil” video clip with the campy, cheesiness of the “Hot for Teacher” MTV video. Oh sure, Alex’s drum intro is still awesome and Eddie’s riffs remain truly tasty, but face it – by late 1984, the once mighty Van Halen was becoming something of a cartoon band.

With frontman Sammy Hagar leading the charge, Van Halen steered the oh-so-safe “Journey-O-Styx-Wagon” into the late ‘80s and early ‘90s. And although I personally failed to connect with their more corporate-sounding music during that era, even I had to concede that “Van Hagar” achieved greater success than ever before. But even that was a VERY long time ago.

I always yearned for the return of “Diamond” Dave. Yet when Van Halen did (kinda) reunite briefly with him in 1996, the end result was merely the two (extremely disappointing) studio tracks that were included on a compilation record. Remember “Me Wise Magic?” YIKES! I started seeing the writing on the wall. The message was clear, and it was – “Hey, we’re Van Halen and we’ve run out of material.”

In fact, in the last fourteen years, Van Halen only has been able to muster one full-length album – 1998’s frighteningly unlistenable Van Halen III with former Extreme frontman, Gary Cherone. I won’t say that III is the worst rock record ever, but I do liken my one-time listening experience to that of accidentally copping a peak at the guy’s “stuff” standing at the next urinal in the men’s room – I simply looked quickly (and awkwardly) the other way and tried to pretend that it never happened.

As a diehard fan, even I can admit that David Lee Roth has not been blameless over the years either. Oh sure, his solo career got off with a bang in the late ‘80s (Eat ‘Em and Smile is still one of my all-time favorites), but even his personal “well” also quickly ran dry. Have you heard his 1998 DLR Band or 2003 Diamond Dave records? ‘Nuff said.

So despite their glorious past, to me, the creative bar was actually set pretty low for Van Halen as they once again embarked on a new record. After all, this time they were going at it without the participation of the group’s true unsung hero, bassist Michael Anthony. That’s right, we got Dave back, but three does NOT a reunion make!

As a realistic fan with realistic expectations living in the 2012 real world, I liked the album’s lead single, “Tattoo.” It’s a well-produced, rock solid track that hooked me by the second chorus – and the accompanying black and white video truly captures the band’s old school charisma and long-lost swagger. I’m not saying it's “Somebody Get Me a Doctor II” or even close, but it certainly ain’t “Me Wise Magic” either.

In the old days, Van Halen records typically offered eight or nine tracks and clocked in around thirty-five minutes. Conversely, A Different Kind of Truth contains thirteen tunes and has an approximate running time of fifty minutes. This is where fans could have benefited from the band’s early formula. The first four tracks, “Tattoo,” “She’s the Woman,” “You and Your Blues” and “China Town,” are all classic-sounding slam dunk winners. Had the band and Grammy Award-winning producer John Shanks (Bon Jovi, Chris Isaak, Alanis Morissette) subscribed to the tried and true show biz mantra of “less is more,” and simply offered the first four tracks along with such “B-listers” as “Bullethead,” “Big River,” and the Eat 'Em and Smile-sounding “As Is,” this would have been a snappy and concise record, truly worthy of the Van Halen legend. However, the buzz is killed quickly during what would have been Side Two in the old days, with such mind-numbing clunkers as “Blood and Fire,” “Outta Space,” “Beats Workin’” and “The Trouble with Never.”

And it gets worse. “Stay Frosty” is disconnected, jarring and simply unlistenable. In fact, you actually can hear where Dave’s vocals are patched together – making for what is, without a doubt, the single worst Van Halen track ever – far worse than any abomination offered on III.

As for their well-acknowledged musical prowess, Eddie and Alex both deliver solid caliber performances likely to meet with the approval of dedicated muzos across the board. And Wolfie (or whoever actually cut the bass tracks) lays it down nicely in the pocket.

Although it’s great to hear Dave back making music with “the brothers,” at times his vocals seem undermixed and he often can border on annoying. His “sinister-guy” spoken vocal bit works for “Tattoo” – adding a cool sorta vibe, but it starts to wear thin on “As Is.” And by “Honeybabysweetiedoll” I was really missing Michael Anthony’s signature vocal contribution.

Overall, A Different Kind of Truth is a well-done, well-produced record. It’s “modern-sounding” enough to not seem like a guilty pleasure, while recreating enough of the classic VH magic that fans just might feel as if they’re reuniting with old friends.

In summation, I give this one an ‘88’ Mr. Clark, because it’s got a good beat and I can dance to it!

-Christopher Long

(February 2012)

*Author Christopher Long's new book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! CmonTheBook.com

HERE COMES THE BRIDE: Myths Busted - Realities Revealed! (Pt. VI)

2012-01-30T17:59:00.007-05:00

Today's Theme: THEME WEDDINGS

It’s amazing what I’ve seen throughout twenty-eight years of working in the wedding business. The ceremonies and receptions to which I’ve been connected have all possessed a degree of personalized charm. However, some affairs have been a bit more unique. In Florida, that typically means variations of casual outdoor beach-type themes. But I also have been involved with a few weddings over the years that have taken the theme concept to a whole new dimension.

I’ve mentioned previously, examples of these types of celebrations, such as the full-on Disney theme wedding in the ‘90s and the Star Wars theme wedding in the early 2000s. I recently DJ’d a 1950s theme reception, and this one was a lot fun. From the era-appropriate attire of the guests (poodle skirts with bobby socks and pompadours with black leather jackets) to the wall-to-wall decorations to the very specific playlist, I felt as if I was on the set of a taping of the TV show, Happy Days. It was well-planned, well-executed and most importantly, the dance floor was packed ALL night. In short, it was one of my all-time favorite gigs!

About ten years ago I was hired to DJ a medieval theme wedding and reception. At first, I wasn’t quite sure what that would entail. Initially, I thought that there would be theme-related decorations and that perhaps the wait staff would be appropriately attired. And that certainly was the case. However, I quickly discovered that the bride and groom took this particular theme very seriously. I noticed guests dressed as maidens and peasants arriving at the ceremony, which was held in a grand Catholic church with an Elizabethan feel. During the nuptials, the priest spoke as if he too were from the era, posing such questions as, “Doth thou taketh thy Lady Ashley of Palm Beach to be-est thou-est Princess,” or something to that effect, to which the groom replied, “Yes. I certainly do, my lord.” At the reception, knives, forks and spoons were non-existent. Guests all devoured the legs of various roasted animals with their bare hands. I don’t recall that a jousting took place, however, nearly every other detail was extremely theme-oriented. And the one hundred-plus guests all seemed to have a marvelous time as they danced and partied the night away to the sounds of “The Macarena,” “Gettin’ Jiggy With It” and “Boot Scootin’ Boogie.”

"I certainly do, my lord."

Another such wedding I DJ’d occurred in 2005. It had a 1920s-style gangster theme. Women wore flapper-type outfits and men came dressed as gangsters – with pinstriped suits, fedoras and all. A couple of guys even carried toy machine guns inside of violin cases. This one was truly a lot of fun. In fact, the bride and groom cautioned guests in the invitations that they had better RSVP, ASAP, or else they’d be, “swimming with the fishes!”

Flappers rock!

Are these types of theme parties fun? Sure. Hey, I’m no party pooper! But truth be told, after all these years, I’ve experienced relatively few wedding gigs that weren’t positive, fun-filled events. And I encourage readers to leave comments below and share their own personal theme wedding thoughts and experiences.

To be continued...

DROP ME A LINE
I'm very accessible and I'm happy to assist folks at any time regarding wedding-related questions, concerns and comments. I can be contacted through either the "Comment" forum of this blog or directly via my personal email address. AuthorChristopherLong@yahoo.com

Previous Here Comes the Bride posts:

Pt. I
Pt. II
Pt.III
Pt. IV
Pt. V

*Author Christopher Long's new book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

"C'MON!" (First-Week Reviews)

2012-01-26T10:25:00.002-05:00

I devoted two years to developing my latest book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation. Hence, I'm delighted and honored to be receiving such incredible feedback, just one week after its release...

Christopher Long's story may make you feel like you are looking at yourself in the mirror.

-Greg Van Vorhis (GoodReads.com)

I recommend this book to anyone who thinks their life is shit and can't ever change. It's not as bad as you think really and there is hope... you just have to want to find it.
-Angela Hupp (AngelsCove.blogspot.com)

It really hits home.

-Jeff "Blando" Bland (Guitarist for the rock band Slaughter and Vince Neil)

A bold testimony.

-Chris Johnson (Worship Pastor / East Coast Christian Center - Merritt Island, Florida)

Christopher Long has dished up something akin to the rock 'n' roll version of 'The Cross & The Switchblade'!

-Gail Worley (Rock Critic at Large / worleygig.com)

A great story that will open your eyes in more ways than one.

-Bryan Dumas (Band Director / Word of Life Center - Shreveport, Louisiana)

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
by Christopher Long (Digital Books International)
Buy it now at http://CmonTheBook.com/

THRIFT STORE ADVENTURES - Pt. V (Valentine Edition)

2012-01-24T14:31:00.000-05:00

My girlfriend Michelle and I often disagree on a variety of topics. In short, she's a registered "D" who loves the New York Giants and still thinks "Man In the Box" is a hip tune. (SIGH!) After nearly a year together, I clearly still have much work to do. However, there is ONE key life issue on which we're in total agreement -- VALENTINE'S DAY SUCKS!

It's a moronic, made-up holiday intended to place unwarranted stress and anxieties squarely back on the shoulders of poor schlubs who only recently dodged the Christmas gift-giving bullet. ("If you really love me, you'll prove it by showering me again with more expensive gifts -- and they'd better be good -- honey!") So imagine our less than enthusiastic reaction when we ventured out today on our first thrifting excursion of the new year and discovered that our favorite destination, The Holy Name of Jesus Thrift Store was decked out completely with Valentine's-related crap. YUCK!

But as always, we made the best of an unpleasant situation like good little campers and still managed to make some amazing discoveries and score some cool new swag...

YIKES!

(Cupid threw up all over our fave thrift store.)

If I only had a nickel for every time I've heard this one,

I could have actually bought a dozen of these figurines!

Only in the supernatural thrift store realm are

The Oak Ridge Boys, Kenny Rogers and Foreigner

still considered cool.

I occasionally will photograph certain

wackier finds simply to share with my readers.

However, this hot pink Styx T-shirt

simply had to be mine.

Had this "Little Thinker" cassette case

only come with an 8-Track converter, I

gleefully would have ponied up the $1.50.

Stand by, kids. Springtime is right around the corner -- which is THE prime shopping season in the thrift world. And I look forward to sharing many more incredible experiences and discoveries in the upcoming weeks.

-Chris

*My new book,

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

"C'MON!" (My new book has arrived)

2012-01-17T00:16:00.001-05:00

It's been two years in development, and TODAY, my new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation finally is being released. (BUY IT HERE NOW)

Simply put, C'MON! combines personal accounts of my show biz experiences with a bold message of faith, making for a unique story that's both entertaining and compelling -- unlike anything I've offered before.

I've learned a lot about the publishing industry since the release of my first book in 2010. As a result, C'MON! will be available via the new independent boutique publishing house, Digital Books International. You won't find it stores or on Amazon. However, you WILL find it exclusively on the book's official website!

In today's world of ever-changing iGadgets, there are a host of electronic devices from which readers can choose. However, I feel that despite the convenience factor, some of these devices offer customers a less than optimum reading experience. I've put my heart, soul, blood, sweat and tears into creating a flippin' awesome, quality presentation for my audience this time around, and for them to view my story via a sub-par format simply is unacceptable. Hence, C'MON! will be available to my readers exclusively in the tried-and-true print and eBook formats:

PRINT VERSION: Glossy, color, soft cover. 210 pages packed with photos from my personal collection and hilarious illustrations by cartoonist Wendrell Tillett. Available for ordering on January 17, 2012. (Hard copies are expected to ship on January 31.)

EBOOK VERSION: A beautiful, full-color electronic PDF version of the hard copy. It contains numerous bonus photos not included in the print version and is perfect for viewing on your home computer or take it on the go and enjoy it on your portable laptop, iPad or iPhone. (eBooks delivered electronically immediately on January 17.)

So there you go. C'MON! finally has arrived. I invite you to go to the book's official website -- look around, check out the various excerpts and while you're there, you can purchase a copy in your preferred format. And as always I encourage readers to drop me a line and share your thoughts.

-Chris
http://CmonTheBook.com/

"C'MON!" (Excerpts from my new book)

2012-01-16T09:33:00.011-05:00

My second book, C'MON! -- My story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation, is now finally available -- via Digital Books International. (http://CmonTheBook.com/)

In the meantime, here's a first sneak peek at some advance excerpts:

CHAPTER TWO – Under the Influence (Excerpt)

My cousin Cathy lived in Tampa, Florida during the mid 1970s. Cathy was two years older than me and in my mind at the time she was the personification of “cool.” She smoked cigarettes, went to concerts and helped reinforce my self-esteem during my particularly awkward tweenage period. The coolest thing about Cathy, aside from always being hip to the hottest new bands, was her willingness to hang out with me at our frequent family functions despite my obvious lack of coolness. Through Cathy I heard amazing first-hand accounts of actual rock concerts by such top-name acts of the day as Bad Company, Rod Stewart and Alice Cooper.

I remember hanging out with Cathy in my parents’ living room on Thanksgiving night in 1975, listening to BJ-105 FM, a popular Orlando radio station. Mixed in among current hits from such pop artists as The Captain and Tennille, Barry Manilow and K.C. and the Sunshine Band, I heard for the first time a distinctive-sounding, hard rock, live concert recording. I couldn’t help but notice the abrasive guitars and gang-style back-up vocals chanting, “I – wanna rock and roll all ni-ee-ite, and party ever-ee day.” It was loud, heavy and I didn’t like it. In my estimation, Cathy knew everything about music. Consequently, I asked her, “What’s this crap?” She immediately replied, “This is Kiss. And they’re cool!”

I’d recently seen the band members’ outrageously painted faces on their album covers at the local record store in the mall. I also recalled having seen a commercial for their television appearance that summer on The Midnight Special. Their trademark make-up, leather outfits, platform boots, and fire-breathing, blood-spitting antics frightened me. And although The Midnight Special was my favorite TV show, I definitely did not tune in that week.

But Cathy confidently endorsed these weirdoes, and who was I to argue? From Elton John to Steely Dan, she’d always been on-point with every other musical recommendation. Could she also be right about Kiss? Hmm, I had my doubts this time.

My younger brother Greg was the first in my immediate circle to (bravely) purchase a Kiss record. Although I openly chastised him for his lack of sound musical judgment, I’d often secretly crank up his 8-track tape of Kiss’s Destroyer album when nobody else was at home. I was quickly hooked on their high-octane, heavy rock anthems like “Detroit Rock City,” “God of Thunder,” “Shout it Out Loud,” and “Flaming Youth.” Before long I personally owned several Kiss albums. I also began buying every magazine I could find that featured pictures or stories of the band and my parents were becoming very concerned. I remember dressing up as Kiss drummer Peter Criss for Halloween in 1976. I didn’t possess the means to recreate his outrageous stage costume, so being a rather resourceful kid I just wore my green leisure suit, claiming I was paying tribute to Peter’s Dressed to Kill album cover look. I was clearly becoming a bona fide “Kiss Freak.” ***

CHAPTER FIVE – We’re Not Joking (Excerpt)

In the beginning, Dead Serios, like many of my early projects, also sucked. We had a few original tunes, but we were far from unique. Plus, I can’t sing – a big problem for a lead singer. Initially, I was also rather ungraceful as a frontman. As I made my entrance onto the stage for our first show in 1985, I tripped over a cable and sent the guitarist’s Marshall amplifier crashing to the ground during the first song, which was ironically a Spinal Tap cover. And after jumping around onstage for thirty minutes in girls’ boots that were way too small for me, I also broke my foot during our botched debut.

Ultimately I became more comfortable (and graceful) onstage. I learned to combine my knack for storytelling with my growing ability to connect with an audience which somehow allowed me to get past my lack of singing talent. As they say, “If you can’t dazzle ‘em with brilliance, baffle ‘em with…” well, you know. This theory would prove to be the basis of everything Dead Serios would ever do.

As for the misspelling of “Serios,” we weren’t intentionally trying to come up with some cool ‘80s style, Def Leppard-like spelling. “Serios” is misspelled simply because the guy who designed our logo smoked a lot of pot. When he first laid out the original design, he ran out of space on the paper and reasoned that the letter “U” wasn’t terribly significant.

And I don’t know where it came from, but I’ve always finished each show with the now infamous tagline, “We’re not joking… We’re DEAD SERIOS!

… It was in late 1988 when I first noticed that things were starting to happen for Dead Serios. We had just won our first Battle of the Bands competition at a local club one night. While I admired the four-foot-tall trophy perched on the front passenger seat of my pickup truck, I decided to turn on the radio for a little music on the ride home. Wouldn’t you know that at that very moment, a track from our current record, Blow Chunks, was playing on WFIT. It was pretty surreal.

By the summer of 1989, we were packing every local venue that we played. In fact, Dead Serios was drawing bigger crowds on Monday and Tuesday nights than most other area acts were drawing on the weekends. Even national level rock stars were coming to our shows. It wasn’t odd to be playing in Orlando and look up to see Deep Purple’s Ritchie Blackmore in the audience or UFO’s Paul Chapman. One night in particular I recall peeking out the window of a little club we were playing in Indialantic, Florida. It was just before show time and standing at the front of the line out on the sidewalk was Slayer guitarist, Kerry King. I nearly wet myself right there. I rushed to the back of the club to alert our bassist, Joe Del Corvo, but by the time we could get back to the front door, King was gone. I asked the doorman where the angry-looking guy with tattoos had gone. “He didn’t have an I.D. so I sent him away,” the doorman replied.

We played a multi-band outdoor festival at Wickham Park in Melbourne during the summer of ‘89. Hundreds of people packed in near the front of the stage, sweltering in the July heat. The crowd became so unruly that our show had to be stopped a couple of times while security guys pulled people out the crowd, placing some into squad cars and some into ambulances… ***

CHAPTER TEN – Damascus Road (Excerpt)

I finally had gotten my big break in 2010, although not in the way I had imagined in my younger days. My first book was set to arrive in stores that spring and I found myself surrounded by friends, family and writing colleagues, all slapping me on the back, congratulating me on my accomplishment. However, I still felt oddly unfulfilled and empty inside. Actually, that’s putting it mildly. And given the warning I’d received recently from Poison’s henchman that my life soon was to be “destroyed,” I also felt like a complete failure. Oh sure, my dream seemingly had come true, but when it did – IT SUCKED! My once action-packed “Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll” world was now becoming a very dark place (demons and all). But like they say, it’s always darkest just before the dawn.

…One night I found myself alone, sitting in my kitchen, talking to myself. My house was clean, my affairs were in order and I had a knife lying on the table. My head was swimming as the overwhelming voices egged me on to, “Do it! Do it!” I wanted to kill myself so badly at that moment that I practically could taste the steel blade slicing through my veins. But just as I was at the height of THE darkest moment of my life, the phone rang. An angel was on the line...

…I began my personal study in the New Testament because even I knew what the red ink indicated and I wanted to read for myself the exact words from Jesus. I soon discovered that the Word of God is as relevant today as it was thousands of years ago. In fact, everything I was reading in the New Testament could be applied to what I was currently dealing with. Ever since I was a young church boy, I’ve believed that all have come short of the glory of God, yet all can be forgiven – made righteous through the blood of Jesus Christ. But as I was approaching fifty, the Word of God seemed fresh. It was speaking directly to me and I was now (finally) listening... ***

C'MON! -- My story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

by Christopher Long

Available NOW via Digital Books International
http://CmonTheBook.com/

BACHMANN – 2020!

2012-01-12T23:13:00.007-05:00

Neither of our two all-time greatest American leaders, Richard Nixon or Ronald Regan, was successful in his first bid for the Presidency. In simple terms, they each needed a trial run to deliver their messages and establish themselves with voters. And although I was disappointed when Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann dropped out of the race for the GOP nomination immediately following the recent Iowa caucus, I believe that her time WILL come. Deep down, I realized from the start that she was a long shot candidate. Even most political novices recognize that the nomination has belonged to the dashing former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney all along. So after my weeklong period of mourning, I removed my Bachmann black armband and climbed completely onboard the Romney bandwagon.

President Romney at November 2012 victory celebration.

Now, however, the big mystery is who will get the V.P. nod. President Obama’s rock star persona led him to victory in 2008. And this time around, our rock star will look as good as their rock star. But where we need to get a leg up on the competition in 2012 is for our V.P. to out-rock-star Joe Biden – which shouldn’t be too tough. My personal recommendation would be Bachmann, but let’s face it, after the last presidential season, it’s gonna be tough for any female conservative/republican vying for the #2 slot to beat the Palin factor. As a result, former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman likely would be an excellent choice. The fifty-year-old businessman has a long, stellar political track record and his poll numbers have been climbing. Plus, he’s a salt and pepper-haired, middle-aged hottie who rides a Harley. And in today’s superficial world where inexperienced candidates are rewarded by voters with important leadership roles simply because they look cool and have Jay-Z on their iPods, Huntsman’s last two qualifications alone make him an ideal pick. Another great candidate is Florida U.S. Senator Marco Rubio. He’s young, wildly popular, gaining experience, impressive on the stump, and given his connection to the Cuban community, Rubio likely will continue to endear Hispanic voters and help clinch Florida for Romney next November. Either of these two fellas would be rock solid choices.

Forget the issues -- Jon Huntsman has a Harley.

So, what about Michele Bachmann in 2016? Well, I expect that President Romney will be such an amazing leader that I also expect him to be re-elected the next time around. And given that his V.P. doesn’t vie for the slot, I expect to resurrect my “Bachmann for President” lawn sign in 2020.

It would have been beautiful, baby!

Christopher Long

January 2012

*Author Christopher Long's new book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

THE HANGOVER II (And Things That DIDN'T Suck In 2011)

2011-12-26T19:57:00.019-05:00

It was an amazing year indeed. I began 2011 wrapping up the promotional phase for my first book, A Shot of Poison. Twelve months later I had completed my second book, C'MON! - My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation, and had become immersed in a sea of pre-release activity. But aside from my various writing-related endeavors, I did also enjoy a myriad of incredible experiences since the last New Year's celebration.

RANDOM REWIND

In February I was approached by a woman at one of my personal appearance events who immediately began "sharing" with me her detailed personal views regarding one of the publications to which I was connected -- a magazine that she passionately referred to as "fish wrap." Her name was Michelle and we wound up getting better acquainted during a lengthy 3AM post-event phone conversation. We've been "together" ever since -- crazy!

Me and Michelle -- Christmas 2011

(Her first words to me were, "Your magazine sucks!")

Last summer, I enjoyed an action-packed pre-senior-year getaway excursion to NYC with my seventeen-year-old son, Jesse. We had a fabulous time taking in the sights, sounds and smells of "The Big Apple" and it proved to be one of our most memorable father and son adventures.

In August, I enrolled at East Coast Christian Center University in Merritt Island, Florida. At age forty-eight, I returned to school for the first time in thirty years. Although my mission will take several years to complete, my goal is to earn a Doctorate in Theology.

Me and Jesse in NYC -- 2011

I've been blessed recently to see my blog audience grow to enormous proportions and I want to thank all of my readers, friends and foes for being part of making this such a fantastic year.

Okay, and now for what I (supposedly) do best. Here are a few personal anecdotes, reflecting on the world of entertainment in 2011.

AT THE MOVIES

Given the lack of quality content currently coming out of Hollywood, I find myself going to the movies less frequently these days. And this past summer's bumper crop of such high-profile and over-hyped stinkers as Bad Teacher and The Green Lantern further reinforced my desire to stay at home.

And the winner in the "Worst Movie" category is...

To lump The Hangover II in with the world's all-time most horrendous atrocities would be probably a bit unfair. Uh, wait a second -- now that I think about it, that is actually a fairly accurate description.

Like many of my fellow conservative, Christian-types, I have no problem accepting and embracing a little adult, movie-related content now and then -- especially when there is a payoff. Yes, it's true -- Christians not only go to the movies, but we also buy music, watch TV, read books and we sometimes even have sex -- GASP! Hence despite the F-bomb showers, graphic scenarios and non-stop glorification of substance abuse, I could still appreciate the entertainment value of The Hangover. The wacky hijinx of four goofball friends during their overnight bachelor party romp in Las Vegas made for a clever, edgy and laugh-out-loud-funny story. And the 2011 sequel to that 2009 blockbuster was one of the most anticipated films of the year.

Serving as nothing more than a predictable and watered-down regurgitation of the original, The Hangover II is simply unwatchable. In fact, as with other such cinematic abominations as Caddyshack II, Arthur II - On the Rocks, Grease II and The Whole Ten Yards, The Hangover II is such a poorly written and ill-conceived farce that it actually compromises the magic of the original film.

Despite their idiosyncrasies, Stu, Phil, Alan and Doug were all lovable characters, the first time around. However, in The Hangover II, not even Bradley Cooper's "OMG" good-looks and chiseled abs can make "Phil" even remotely endearing.

In short, the promotional movie posters should have read:

The Hangover II -- In 3-D (A Disastrously Dumb Disappointment)

A rose among thorns...

The 2011 film adaptation of author Kathryn Stockett's 2009 best-selling novel, The Help tells a compelling fictional story, while also presenting a riveting page from a not-so proud chapter in American history. I spent much of my youth growing up in the South during the 1960s and despite some of the criticism leveled at the book version, I found the movie to offer a pretty darn accurate account of what I personally witnessed during the Civil Rights era.

Emma Stone (as aspiring writer Skeeter), Viola Davis (as maid Aibileen Clark), Bryce Dallas Howard (as hometown racist Hilly) and Jessica Chastain (as "trophy wife" employer Celia Foote) all offer award-worthy performances.

In short, I laughed, I cried, and I found The Help to be a rare gem during a year that overdosed on inane box office blunders.

IN MY HI-FI

Over the summer, longtime Florida metal scene veteran Ty Oglesby released his long awaited debut solo record, Demons Within. Despite the rather evil-looking cover as well as the disturbing album and song titles, this raw and traditional-style, seven-song slab-o-metal merely offers an open and honest introspective acount of Oglesby's personal life-struggles. I expect it to particularly blow up in the European market.

As I've been previously quoted, Oglesby's record offers,

Authentic öld school metal for a nü-metal world.

Invisible Empires, the latest from singer, songwriter Sara Groves dropped this past fall and along with it came the amazing first single, "Eyes on the Prize." Simply put, in my view, it's without a doubt, THE song of the year.

This acoustic version of Sara Groves' "Eyes on the Prize" is

perhaps even more powerful than the full-band album version.

I also discovered a new musical treasure just a few weeks ago.

Since attending my first concert event in 1977, I've rarely witnessed a support act completely "spank" a headliner. But that's exactly what happened when Nashville's The Wild Feathers opened for pop music icon Paul Simon at the UCF arena in Orlando, Florida.

Combining quality-crafted songs with pure harmonies and an abundance of down home pickin', The Wild Feathers create a kind of true-blue, authentic roots-style music that would make Robbie Robertson and Levon Helm's chests swell with pride -- an observation that's even more remarkable considering that no one in the band looks to even be old enough to buy beer.

If J.D. Souther and Bonnie Raitt had made bastard love babies back in '75 and they grew up and formed a band, that band likely would be The Wild Feathers.

To me, Paul Simon got totally "served" by opening act, The Wild Feathers.

ONSTAGE

I took in several stellar live music performances during 2011. For my complete year-end concerts wrap-up, CLICK HERE.

The April 2011 Orlando, Florida performance by the legendary

rock band Chicago, was for me, one of the year's best!

ON THE NIGHT STAND

I spent considerable time this year catching up on my extracurricular reading. Although it was originally published in 2007, Joseph Prince's Destined to Reign was recently re-released in paperback. Too often, when praising a book, I'll say, "I couldn't put it down." But with its bold, Grace-based message, this is one of only three books I've ever read to which that praise truly applies!

The life-changing read of 2011.

THE TUBE

I rarely watch TV these days. In fact, I don't even have television service in my home. I just no longer have any interest in such mind-numbingly foolish content. However, when I do occasionally glance at the ol' "boob tube" at someone else's home, typically I'm tuned into various news-oriented programs. This past fall, after discovering her CNN news-type program, OutFront, I came to grips with the fact that I'm in love with host Erin Burnett. And last October I publicly confessed my obsession.

CLICK HERE TO GET THE FULL STORY

Don't tell my girlfriend, Michelle, but
I'll likely marry Erin Burnett in 2012.

CRYSTAL BALL

2011 was certainly a cool ride and I expect 2012 to be even greater. My second book will be released in January and by next spring I'll be embarking on a national speaking tour, sharing my personal faith-based testimony in churches across the country. Next summer, my son will graduate with honors from high school as well as receiving an early college AA degree. And next November, Michele Bachmann will be elected President of the United States. Now, if the Lord will just "move" Tal & Acacia to tour next year, 2012 will be a complete "slam dunk!"

My second book, C'mon! will be released on

January 17, 2012 via Digital Books International.

President-elect Bachmann!

Please Father God -- make them tour!

Thanks, everybody for an amazing 2011.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book,

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

HERE COMES THE BRIDE: Myths Busted - Realities Revealed! (Pt. V)

2011-12-21T12:55:00.009-05:00

TODAY'S BRIDAL BUZZ-WORD: TRADITION

I DJ'd a wedding a few years ago for a bride named "Mary" who was, to say the least, more than a little stressed out. As we sat together one afternoon planning her ceremony and reception itineraries, she began bombarding me with a seemingly endless list of music-related details. She informed me of each selection that "must" be played, the song order and the exact amount of time (to the second) that each piece would play before segueing into the next. "Wow, that's quite a bit of info," I commented. "Well yeah," she replied, appearing to be as overwhelmed as I was. "My mother and my aunt told me that this is how it has to be done because it's tradition," she added. After years of working in the wedding biz, my first thought (which I kept to myself) was, whose "tradition?"

One thing I've learned since my first (working) bridal experience back in 1984 is that NOTHING IS TRADITIONAL. "Traditional" is a buzz-word that I believe a lot of industry-types like to throw around to intimidate brides and grooms in order to enhance the perception of said professional's importance -- they know about "tradition" and boy are you lucky to have found them! As with Mary, often, family members also can get hung up on the notion of "tradition" and further intensify a bride's stress-factor.

THE CEREMONY

I've been involved with various scenarios from casual, short and sweet beachside ceremonies with the bridal party, family and guests all dressed in Hawaiian shirts, shorts and flip-flops to the most formal (and lengthy) Mass-like church events. Some ceremonies include pre-recorded music, while others feature live singers and musicians. And sometimes, there's no music at all. But in the end, each bride and groom successfully all said, "I do."

THE RECEPTION

In the '90s, I was involved with a very "unique" wedding. To say that the bride and groom were both Star Wars enthusiasts would be an understatement. In fact, this couple was so passionate about the legendary movie franchise and its iconic characters that they chose to create a complete Star Wars theme reception.

As I entered the very elegant hotel ballroom to load in my sound equipment on the day of the event, I noticed that from movie-related posters pasted on the walls to the theme-oriented napkins, cups and plates placed on the guest tables to the Princess Leia and Han Solo figurines atop the cake, the atmosphere more closely resembled a kid's birthday party than a "traditional"wedding reception. And guess what? The newlyweds and guests alike all had a blast as everyone partied and danced the night away.

More recently, I DJ'd a wedding event in Orlando. Although this wasn't a full-on theme reception, the newlyweds clearly were passionate about all things Disney. Per the bride's instructions, I played "It's a Small World" during the Grand Entrance and as the song reached its well-known chorus, the newlyweds leaped through the doorway of the reception hall, hand-in-hand, donning matching Disney-style "Mouse Ears" as they gleefully waved to their cheering family and friends.

A new twist in recent years is the growing popularity of serving cupcakes at receptions as opposed to a "traditional" cake. If I may offer a slice of personal philosophy, let me say that I believe there is NEVER a bad time for cupcakes! And by thinking outside of that "ol' box," brides currently are adding some fun and fresh "pages" to the standard "traditional" wedding "playbook."

Heather Rosen's 2010 wedding reception in Vero Beach, FL.

(FYI, the not-so "traditional" cupcakes were fun AND delicious!)

And then there was the reception a few years ago where the groom actually played an active role in planning the party. He indicated to me that he was struggling with choosing a song for the "Mom and Groom" dance. Immediately, I suggested such tried, true and "traditional" choices as Kenny Rogers' "Through the Years" and Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings," but he wasn't connecting with any of my recommendations.

On the day of the event, the groom approached me during setup and informed me that he had chosen the "perfect" song. Do you have Gladys Knight and the Pips' "Midnight Train to Georgia?" he asked. Of course I did, as it's a timeless classic and one of my personal all-time favorites, but for the "Mom and Groom" dance? Noticing the perplexed look on my face, the groom confessed to me that he and his mom frequently danced to the song when he was just a boy. "We used to have the 45 record," he added. His song choice was anything but "traditional," and although it made no sense to me, it did make perfect sense to the groom, his mom and many of the guests. Ultimately, it did prove to be the "perfect" choice.

My point is simply this -- in my view, if there is ONE "tradition," it's that the bride and groom must feel comfortable coming into their "big day" and then be happy with the outcome. I'm not suggesting that anyone should go overboard by taking a "Bridezilla" approach to their wedding, however, I do encourage brides to focus more on choices and decisions that make sense for them, and not be dissuaded by someone else's perception of "tradition."

To be continued...

DROP ME A LINE

I'm very accessible and I'm happy to assist folks at any time regarding wedding-related questions, concerns and comments. I can be contacted through either the "Comment" forum of this blog or directly via my personal email address. AuthorChristopherLong@yahoo.com

Other Here Comes the Bride posts:
Pt. I
Pt. II
Pt.III
Pt. IV
Pt. VI

*Author Christopher Long's new book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

CONCERTS 2011 (The Year in Review)

2011-12-15T09:44:00.003-05:00

The one thing that the Internet can never take from us is the value of the live concert experience. With that in mind, I'm taking a few moments today from my 'round-the-clock prayer vigil, reaching out to God, asking that He will see fit for Tal & Acacia to tour in

2012 to reflect on what was personally a banner year for concerts.

CONCERT OF THE YEAR!

America / Michael McDonald

December 11, 2011 / Melbourne, Florida

Paul Simon

December 4, 2011 / Orlando, Florida
(Review coming soon!)

Anthrax / Testament

November 1, 2011 / Orlando, Florida

Family Force 5

October 26, 2011 / Orlando, Florida

Hippiefest

August 25, 2011 / Melbourne, Florida

Mötley Crüe/Poison/New York Dolls

July 6, 2011 / Tampa, Florida

Chicago

April 19, 2011 / Orlando, Florida

Coheed and Cambria

April 15, 2011 / St. Petersburg, Florida

Buckcherry / Hellyeah!

February 23, 2011 / Orlando, Florida

Hinder / Saving Abel / My Darkest Days

January 25, 2011 / Orlando, Florida

Merry Christmas everybody, and Happy New Year!

-Chris

Please God, make them tour in 2012!

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

CONCERT REVIEW: America (12/11/11)

2011-12-14T14:17:00.014-05:00

As someone who is paid to review concerts year ‘round, I attended several events in 2011. From such iconic rock artists as Chicago, Mark Farner and New York Dolls to the likes of chartbusting ‘80s metal bands including Mötley Crüe, Anthrax and Poison to newer acts like Buckcherry, Coheed and Cambria, Hinder and Family Force 5, 2011 proved to be a stellar year for live shows. And this year, as they say, “the best was saved for last.”

America

w/ Michael McDonald

The King Center / Melbourne, FL / December 11, 2011

Although on this night they were billed as the support act, America effectively upstaged the headliner, one-time Doobie Brothers and Steely Dan vocalist, Michael McDonald.

Opening the show promptly at 7PM with their 1974 Top Ten hit, “Tin Man,” the singer/songwriter/guitarist duo of Dewey Bunnell and Gerry Beckley delivered a high-energy sixty-minute set that was packed with non-stop hits and holiday classics.

You forget just how many great songs they have. – Michael McDonald

Donned in designer jeans and fashion-forward regalia, the nearly sixty-year-old Bunnell and Beckley appeared younger than and displayed more vitality than some performers half their age as they plowed through their plethora of such pop/rock staples as “Horse With No Name,” “Sister Golden Hair,” “Ventura Highway,” “Lonely People” and “You Can Do Magic.”

America live in 2010

(Photo: Jason Moore)

Still reeling from Paul Simon’s recent deadpan Orlando performance and the F-bomb shower I experienced at last summer’s Mötley Crüe show in Tampa, I found Bunnell and Beckley’s engaging and articulate in-between-song banter with the Melbourne audience to be a particularly refreshing change of pace.

Bunnell (left) and Beckley (center) with America

as a trio during their 1970s chartbusting hey day.

Co-founder Dan Peek (right) left the group in 1977.

(Peek died in July 2011 of fibrinous pericarditis.)

Despite a few intermittent audio glitches, overall, the band sounded as good as they looked. And although it often can be jarring and actually serve as more of a distraction for the audience, America's use of onstage video imagery only enhanced their live presentation.

Additional kudos also must go out to Fountains of Wayne drummer, Brian Young, who reportedly “caught the red-eye” in order to fill-in at the last minute for the band’s longtime drummer, Willie Leacox, who sadly was absent from the concert due to a family emergency.

In addition to their myriad of hits, America also performed

several selections from their seasonal 2002 record, Holiday Harmony.

With the holiday season upon us, America also incorporated a fistful of festive favorites into their set, including such original tunes as “A Christmas to Remember” and “California Christmas,” as well as standards including “Silent Night” and the rousing, show-ending Burl Ives classic, “Holly Jolly Christmas.”

Although headliner Michael McDonald certainly did deliver a quality show, it appeared to me once again that the best band doesn’t necessarily always play last!

-Christopher Long

(December 2011)

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

HERE COMES THE BRIDE: Myths Busted - Realities Revealed! (Pt. IV)

2011-12-13T12:35:00.016-05:00

When I began this series several weeks ago, I had no idea that it would be so well-received. I'm apparently not the only person who is fascinated with the behind-the-scenes realities of the wedding industry.

Initially, I was illustrating these stories by posting my own random pics from various weddings in which I've been involved over the years. Unfortunately, I don't have a huge collection of photos from which to choose, and most of the ones I do have either were taken with my phone or with disposable-type cameras. But after speaking recently with a longtime bridal photography veteran, it occurred to me that this series would be enhanced by featuring samples of work by various professional photographers.

As a result, I'm delighted to have the privilege of presenting the work of John Sluder in this edition of Here Comes the Bride. I've known John for years. His work is impeccable and he is one of my all-time favorite bridal photographers to work with here on Florida's east coast.

I hope that you enjoy John's contribution and I look forward to showcasing the work of other talented photographers in future Here Comes the Bride posts.

Incredible bridal photography from my friend, John Sluder.

In previous posts, I've commented on how the wedding and reception industry/experience is geared towards the ladies. As I've pointed out, the song ain't called "Here Comes the Bride" for nothing. Fellas, the truth is, as grooms, we're lucky to get an invitation. In fact, if brides effectively could pull it off without us, they probably would. My advice for grooms -- do as you're told and stay out of the way. (LOL) Grooms, it will also serve you well to arrive at all wedding-related functions (i.e. the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner and the ceremony) in a timely fashion -- clear-headed, smiling and not reeking of liquor.

Another subject that I also have addressed throughout this series is what I refer to as the "crowning jewel" of any wedding reception -- the cake.

Both of these topics will collide in this edition of Here Comes the Bride...

REALLY, GUYS?

As a wedding reception DJ, I also find myself frequently assuming the role of "event coordinator." I recently was faced with a groom who proved to be a bit of a "challenge" as I attempted to organize the bridal party for the Grand Entrance. He clearly was focused more on getting to the bar than getting to the first dance. "I just wanna get my 'drink on' with my 'boys'," he commented, more than once. In his defense, I'll say that his passionate and well-articulated "mission statement" speaks volumes to the mindset of many grooms with whom I've worked.

On another occasion, the groom and groomsmen arrived at the ceremony an hour late. Finally, their car pulled up and parked in front of the church. As the chauffeur opened the back door of the sleek, white, stretch limo, the groom and his "boys" all spilled out, one on top of the other, into the street -- still red-eyed and reeling from their adventurous pre-wedding day all-nighter. Let's just say that neither the bride nor her mother were terribly impressed.

And then there was the groom who, to his credit, did participate in assisting with setting up tables and hanging decorations for his reception. However, as I was bringing in my DJ equipment, I couldn't help but overhear him announce, "I'm headin' to the hotel to git me a beer. I ain't doin' this if I ain't drunk!" He then lovingly suggested to the bride, "Girl, you need to go git a shower, 'cuz you smell like sh*t!"

This one says SO much!

THIS TAKES THE CAKE!

Ah yes, THE quintessential reception photo opp. -- bride and groom, nestled together, sterling silver knife in-hand, slicing up the second-most acknowledged symbol of their blessed, holy union...

Grooms-to-be, if you're reading this, I'm throwing you a bone here and you truly can benefit from my words of wisdom. Despite the obligatory egging-on from your "boys," it is in the best interest of all involved to take the high road regarding the cake cutting.

I remember one groom in particular who had been obviously "getting his drink-on" throughout the reception. When it came time to cut the cake, he surmised that it would be funny to adhere to his "boys'" advice and "smash it!" However, this groom clearly went too far as he shoved both of his bare hands into the cake and pulled out two globsful of white cake and red icing. FYI, icing isn't red naturally. It's created as a result of food coloring -- which stains! The groom apparently hadn't considered this as he smashed one handful of the confection into his bride's face and then began flinging the other handful at guests. I can't make this stuff up, folks.

Now appearing to be riddled with bloody bullet holes, the bride burst into tears as her once beautiful white gown became stained from the red icing. Guests gasped in horror as they too became the victims of the groom's lack of judgment and marksman-like accuracy. For me, it took hours after the reception to chisel off the dried icing from my new DJ rig that also now was covered with red stains. Smooth move, dude!

Oh yeah, let's not forget the equally overzealous groom who smashed the triple chocolate cake into his unsuspecting bride's face. Although I wasn't in the direct line of fire that time, the groom did successfully manage literally to shove cake up under the bride's eyelids while smearing the chocolate icing all down the front of her dress and the venue's elegant white drapes.

Thanks again to John Sluder for sharing his stellar work.

Yes, weddings and receptions are festive celebrations indeed. But fellas, for heaven's sake, hear me now and believe me later, you'll never regret taking the high road -- especially on the biggest day of your life.

To be continued...

DROP ME A LINE

Other Here Comes the Bride posts:

Pt. I
Pt. II
Pt.III
Pt. V
Pt. VI

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

MICHELE BACHMANN: Integrity, Experience and Vision

2011-12-11T13:32:00.004-05:00

A red-faced politician sweats bullets while responding awkwardly to scandalous allegations before a sea of blood-thirsty reporters and blinding flashbulbs as his humiliated, yet seemingly supportive wife typically stands by his side...

From Richard Nixon's "I am not a crook" declaration in the '70s to Colorado Senator Gary Hart's extramarital indiscretions in the '80s to Bill Clinton's infamous announcement that "I did not have sex with that woman" in the '90s to New York Congressman Anthony Weiner's 2011 confession of sexting/texting/tweeting naughty photos, we've seen this movie play out countless times.

President Bill Clinton, redefining the word "is" in 1998.

The latest contestant on the "Shame Game" is recent Republican Presidential front runner, Herman Cain. Although accusations of sexual misconduct against Cain continue to multiply faster than Godfathers Pizza franchises, the Atlanta-based businessman remains steadfast in his denial of the allegations. Yet despite proclaiming his innocence, Cain officially dropped out of the Presidential race last week, and, yes, with wife Gloria by his side.

Another one bites the dust!

Herman Cain ends his bid for the Presidency in December 2011.

I admittedly had become so personally desensitized to the shenanigans of public officials that even back in the '90s, I wasn't terribly troubled over "naughty Mr. Bill" staining Monica's seductive, dark blue dress. Heck, we all knew of his dog-like reputation before we voted him in, so shame on us. However, I did take issue with Clinton for shaking his finger arrogantly in the nation's face and lying about it. Had he simply been honest from the git-go and confessed (with his signature southern drawl), "Hey, I got a hummer in the Oval Office y'all. Wow, bein' President is perdy dang cool," all of the hoo-ha likely would have subsided quickly, all would have been forgotten and he could have returned to work before his next liaison. But instead, Americans had to endure the subsequent lengthy and ugly repercussions.

The simple fact is, now more than ever, politicians merely have become rock stars who wear suits and ties -- bona fide "playas" who too often perceive themselves as being above the law and public reproach. As a result, they often choke on the poisonous allure of fame, power, money, public adulation and media attention. Ah yes, "Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll!"

But like many Americans, I hoped for a Presidential candidate with Reagan-like qualities during this crucial campaign season -- someone of truly impeccable character, with experience and a bold vision for our nation's future. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Michele Bachmann IS that candidate.

President Bachmann will offer Reagan-like

leadership and will restore dignity to the office.

I continue to be disappointed with the media's eagerness to call the current race for the Republican Presidential nomination too early and to dismiss Bachmann so easily -- the consitutional conservative Minnesota congresswoman.

With a few weeks still remaining before the all-important Iowa caucus and New Hampshire primary, I implore my fellow conservatives and Republicans not to "settle" simply because the talking heads literally are going to mess their Underoos if the nomination isn't handed over to Gingrich or Romney immediately. Remember the iconic "Dewey Defeats Truman" headline? There IS still time for us to rally together and get this right.

Despite his horrendous across-the-board failures, ousting President Obama ain't gonna be a walk through the park, kids. And if Republicans offer up another pasty old white guy or someone of dubious character, we'll have our asses handed to us just as soundly in 2012 as in 2008. In short, this is an election that America simply can't afford to lose.

For further insight:

A telling YouTube clip:

When grilled by former Minnesota GovernorTim Pawlenty during

an Iowa debate, Bachmann remained poised, confident and focused.

Bachmann on the issues

From Bachmann's Official website:

...she has demonstrated bold reform, pushing to fix Washington's broken ways. Bachmann is a leading advocate for tax reform, a staunch opponent of wasteful government spending, and a strong proponent of adherence to the Constitution, as intended by the Founding Fathers.

-Christopher Long

(December 2011)

*Author Christopher Long's latest book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW. CmonTheBook.com

HERE COMES THE BRIDE: Myths Busted - Realities Revealed! (Pt. III)

2011-12-06T11:30:00.007-05:00

After twenty-seven years working in the wedding industry, I seemingly have seen, heard and experienced everything. Here are a few new random recollections...

I once was hired by a bride who was very detail-oriented -- perhaps a bit too detail-oriented. Just one month prior to her reception, she changed the venue location. The date had been set for months, deposits had been paid, invitations had been sent out and RSVPs had been returned. When I inquired as to this last minute change, the bride told me that she had no choice, as a major issue had arisen. "I discovered that the carpet clashed with my shoes, so I had to find a different location," she confessed.

Devon was one of my all-time favorite brides.

Her reception in the late '90s was incredible!

As a wedding DJ, brides often offer me their personalized playlists -- a dozen or more favorites that are sure to connect with bride, groom, family and friends. But on one occasion a bride offered me a complete list of every single song that she wanted played. This is rare, however, it has happened a few times throughout my career. But what made this bride's request "unique" was that not only did she select each song to be played, she also mapped out the specific order in which they were to be played. And I clearly was instructed not to deviate from "the list." I get a kick out of folks who hire me for various functions based on my experience and reputation, yet feel that they have a better grasp of the gig than I do. I tried to convey to this bride the importance of allowing me to "read" her guests and go with the flow as the party progressed, but she was having no part of that -- SHE knew better. "Okay, it's your day," I assured her.

The cocktail hour music that she selected went over well -- not that many guests are even paying attention at that time. The first dances with bride and groom, bride and dad, groom and mom, and the semi-obligatory bridal party dance were all textbook-like. The background dinner music that she selected was also solid stuff. However, when it came time to open the dance floor officially and really "get it on," her party quickly took a nosedive. In no time, disappointed guests actually began leaving the reception in droves as they discovered "the list" that I had conveniently placed on the DJ table. (Hey, my hands were tied and I wasn't about to take the heat personally or professionally for the bride's misguided choices.) There would be no popular line dances, no current hot hits and no high-energy classic jams played at this celebration, and I stood at my DJ station, helplessly watching as the crowd diminished from 400 to barely 100 within minutes.

The 2008 Ludwick wedding was epic!

"Please save my party!" the now desperate bride pleaded with me, as she clearly had experienced a "come to Jesus" moment. I quickly recounted with the bride the list of sure-fire reception winners that she so vehemently had objected to initially. "I don't care," she replied with a panic-stricken tone. "Just please save my party!"

Quickly, I went into reception "robo" mode ("Brick House," "Mony Mony," "Cupid Shuffle," etc.) and immediately the dance floor became a prized piece of standing room only real estate. I took that bride's party, spanked it like a naughty schoolgirl and rocked it through the roof. Not another single guest left the reception until its conclusion. In fact, the party wound up going into overtime.

I don't share this particular story in order to brag of my (obvious) awesome super-human powers. I merely am trying to convey to brides the importance of hiring professionals, and then trusting them to do the job for which they were hired. I'll likely expand on this mind-blowing concept in future posts.

To be continued...

DROP ME A LINE

Other Here Comes the Bride posts:

Pt. I

Pt. II
Pt. IV
Pt. V

Pt. VI

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

WALK THIS WAY

2011-12-05T07:32:00.007-05:00

I was always extremely close to my mom. She was my best friend and biggest fan. Like my dad, my mom was also raised in Tennessee and grew up in church. But whereas my dad took more of an “iron hand,” “do as I say” approach to parenting, my mom had considerably more finesse and possessed a true knack for connecting with me and my siblings. When I was about five, she heard me use the “N” word. At that age I had no idea what it even meant – I was merely repeating what I thought was a funny-sounding word that I’d heard someone else use. She quickly and clearly educated me of the stupidity she’d heard come out of my mouth. I immediately no longer thought it was a “funny” word. And to this day, I find few words to be as troubling. In fact, I don’t care if you’re a black rapper or a white supremacist, it’s an ignorant word.

Me and my mom in 1963.

I fondly remember having many wonderful and heartfelt conversations with my mom as I was growing up. During many of these childhood talks we would discuss various matters of faith. From explaining the meaning and importance of being “saved” to communion to tithing, the spiritual lessons I learned from my mom have stayed with me throughout my life.

My mom could seemingly do it all. Although I primarily remember her cooking, cleaning and creating an overall perfect home environment for our family, she also worked full-time in retail, security and banking. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t truly appreciate how demanding her gig really was until I became a parent myself. She asked very little of me as I was growing up and in return for her selfless efforts, I couldn’t even keep my room clean.

When I think back on everything I put her through when I was a kid, it’s amazing that she never strangled me. Once, when I was in junior high she discovered some rather risqué cartoons I’d drawn in my bedroom which she found particularly disturbing. Another time, she came home early from work and caught me in my parents’ bed with a little teenage girl I’d brought home from school. But she never ratted me out to my dad. Instead, she would always calmly confront me in private to express her disappointment.

I guess the one time I really pushed her buttons was in early 1977. I was fourteen and a HUGE Aerosmith fan. At that time their single “Walk this Way” was a hot radio hit and I thought it was just about the most incredible record I’d ever heard. When a girl at school asked me to write down the lyrics to the song for her I had to play my seven inch single over and over at 33 1/3 rpm to decipher each and every one of Steven Tyler’s libido-drenched lyrics. I was still a young and extremely naïve church boy at the time and I genuinely had no clue what the lyrics meant – I just thought it was a groovy tune. However, my mom knew exactly what “bleeder” and “muffin” meant, and assuming it was a song I’d written, she flipped out when she found the copy of my handwritten lyrics lying on the coffee table in the living room. In short, she nearly had a heart attack and in the words of Ricky Ricardo, I had, “a lot of esplainin’ to do!”

Me and my mom as I prepped for Prom in 1981.

My mom lost her battle with cancer in March of 1999 and not a day has passed since then that I haven't been reminded of how much I love and miss her. So as I prep to celebrate my 49th birthday tomorrow, I'm taking a break from my typical shameless 364 days-a-year self-promotional endeavors to honor my mom, Barbara Long.

If I could have just one more minute with my mom now, I would hug her and thank her from the bottom of my heart for everything she ever did for me – including not shutting down my dad by playing the "headache card" on that night back in 1962. I also humbly would apologize for having been such an obnoxious little creep.

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

THRIFT STORE ADVENTURES - Pt. IV (Pink Tuesday Edition)

2011-11-29T19:49:00.005-05:00

Michelle and I kicked off my newly proclaimed Pink Tuesday holiday shopping tradition in grand fashion today.

What's "Pink Tuesday?" (Click here)

Our initial expectation this morning merely was to spend the day converging on our favorite tried and true thrift store destinations, taking advantage of their holiday bargains and whittling down our shopping lists. And boy, did we. But along the way, as Michelle and I traveled from store to store, from the northern part of Brevard county to the south, we made an epic thrifting discovery.

Michelle had overheard someone mention something last weekend about a new thrift store located on Wickham Road in Melbourne, across from Home Depot. Although we were uncertain of our specific destination, we seemingly were led by the supernatural power of thrift store fairies as I blindly pulled into a random complex. "There it is!" Michelle exclaimed. "I see the word 'thrift' on that sign." Filled with anticipation, I located a parking spot. I then removed the Neil Diamond Christmas cassette from the tape deck, shut off the engine and we eagerly searched for the shop. Finally, tucked in the back among various offices, we spotted a mannequin laying on a lounge chair holding a sign that read, "OMG: Old Made Good / Thrift-Vintage." We had arrived!

Upon entering the newly found hallowed halls, we were greeted by an angelic young woman named Kelly who gleefully gave us a complete tour. In full disclosure, I don't know for certain that she was an angel, but I definitely noticed a halo. (I think.)

With its multiple rooms, specific sections and eye-catching displays, OMG more closely resembles a supercenter than a typical thrift store.

Simply put, OMG's toy/game room is awesome!

They even have a separate kitchen section.

(According to Michelle, this was particularly impressive.)

No, this isn't a trophy room-type tribute to my ex-girlfriends.

It's actually just part of OMG's ginormous Barbie collection.

Michelle got a kick out of the sign

above OMG's ladies shoe section.

I've never been a Trekkie. Lost in Space was always my thing.

(Penny was a total hottie!)

But even I could recognize that these

Star Trek figures were pretty darn cool.

And how about this kids' room?

The floor of the toy/game room is tiled with vintage game boards!

To keep in line with the Pink Tuesday theme, OMG also has enough fabulous pink stuff to choke a very fashion-conscious horse...

Their business phone is even pink!

(It's called a land line and yes, it does work.)

Michelle spotted Kelly's hot pink Sharpie lying on the front counter.

(I sure hope she won't miss it!)

In short, OMG! -- we love OMG!

What thrifting experience would be complete without taking a much-needed break for a delicious lunch? And as usual, Michelle and I stopped for a bite at one of our favorite restaurants, Skewers, located in Indialantic, Florida. Simply put, the service at Skewers is impeccable and the food is superb!

After a brief intermission, it was time to get back to work.

I mentioned in a post last week that when thrifting, you typically can expect to find countless copies of Forrest Gump on VHS tape, usually for a quarter a piece. Well, guess what?

When I'm right...

Boy, do I nail it on the head!

BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE!

Okay, I probably didn't really need two (more) copies of Debbie Gibson's

Out of the Blue, but she's the quintessential musical genius of

the last quarter century. Plus, my girlfriend is a total enabler!

So there you have it. The first annual Pink Tuesday celebration was a smashing success. I bought tons of cool stuff, I saved a ton of money and nobody got pepper sprayed. And I can hardly wait to do it all again next year.

Happy Holidays, everybody. Aww, c'mon. Enough with this PC nonsense...

M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S !

-Chris

I loved this little holiday display found at

Angels in the Atticlocated in Melbourne, Florida.

___________________________________________________________

OMG: Old Made Good

5005 N. Wickham Road / Suite 100 / Melbourne, FL 32935 (321) 745-5559

HOURS: Monday thru Saturday 10AM - 6PM

"Like" them on Facebook

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

ATTENTION FELLOW CONSERVATIVES: Mean People Suck!

2011-11-28T15:33:00.005-05:00

I can remember being mentored years ago by a much older and experienced drummer during my newbie rock and and roll days. I was sixteen and he was seventeen -- and when you're sixteen, one year is a huge gap. Now, when I say I was being, "mentored," I actually mean we likely were doing bong hits. (Hey, it was 1979, okay?) Anyway, my buddy offered me some profound words of wisdom that I've never forgotten. I still apply his words to various aspects of my Christian ministry, parenting and political pontificating.

"You don't beat the sound through the drum," he stated with Schlitz on his breath and a glaze in his eyes. "You pull the sound out of the drum." Sheer brilliance!

Conservatives, pay attention. We've got an indescribably important election coming up next year. It's perhaps the most important election of my lifetime. But tragically, many "red state-types" are so consumed by hateful name-calling and regurgitating mean-spirited rhetoric that our conservative message too often falls on deaf ears. And BTW, you Libs are just as guilty.

I recently was listening to a radio call-in talk show on which the host referred to the "Occupy Wall-street" protesters as "occu-tards." Okay, I'll admit it, that one did make me snicker for a second. But in reality, aside from ramping up his more extreme listeners for 2.4 seconds, the only thing that this host truly accomplished by making the crass comment was making himself seem small-minded.

Speaking of radio hosts, one of the most recognized names in conservative radio has cemented his reputation by consistently bombarding his listeners, callers and guests with lowbrow name-calling such as "creep," "jerk," "moron" and "idiot." In fact, this host and best-selling author now goes so overboard so often with his signature nastiness that I can no longer stomach tuning in to his nightly program. I'm sure that this type of entertainment appeals to many and I certainly can appreciate shock value, but as a hardcore right-winger, if I'm turned off by this type of dialog, I can only imagine how the other side perceives it.

Simply put, I'm in love with Ann Coulter. She's intelligent, funny and clearly, she's the most beautiful and alluring woman ever to draw a breath. She's right about everything and her unshakable confidence is a real turn-on. Yet despite my willingness to stick my arm gleefully in a wood chipper in exchange for the opportunity to become her personal "house boy," even I had a hard time choking down the non-stop bitch-factor of her 2005 best-seller, How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must).

Ann Coulter

(Our children will be beautiful!)

If you're selling vacuum cleaners from door to door and your pitch opener is along the lines of, "Good afternoon, ma'am. You better buy one of my vacuums 'cuz your house is a pigsty and you're a sucky housekeeper," chances are, you'll be experiencing a door slam, real quick -- before you even get a chance to demonstrate the product.

I understand that most leftists never will listen to our side, regardless of how sensible our views are. Just as economically challenged folks never will buy that $3,000 vacuum even if it can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. But there are many folks out there who are in the middle when it comes to many political issues. If we merely are perceived as hateful, nasty, intolerant, gun-toting, building-bombing dolts who all can "see Russia from our houses," then we're going to miss out on connecting with a large faction of the electorate. And these voters will make the difference at the polls, come next November.

Be sure that as a conservative, I'm in no way suggesting that we go "soft" on the content of our message. But if the motive is to connect with the "lost" and regain the White House in 2012, I suggest that we make a better effort to "pull the sound out of the drum" as opposed to "beating the sound through the drum."

-Christopher Long
November 2011

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

PINK TUESDAY

2011-11-26T09:21:00.009-05:00

Personally speaking, I find the whole "Black Friday" concept to be flat-out unappealing. Hundreds, maybe thousands of people fighting literally tooth and nail for holiday gift bargains. (Jesus texts frowny face!) Be sure, scoring a 500-inch TV for $9 is a truly sweet deal, but is that really worth pepper spraying twenty fellow shoppers over? Good heavens, what happened to the true Christmas spirit? (Jesus texts another frowny face!) My girlfriend, Michelle, and I were amazed to discover hundreds of cars parked outside of our local Walmart by 8:00 on Thanksgiving night. Holy cow, the turkey hadn't even gotten cold yet!

Heck, the name alone, "Black Friday," just lacks a certain holiday fun-factor. In fact, it sounds more like the title of a disturbing, end-of-the-world disaster flick starring Keanu Reeves in which everybody dies a tragic death.

So, I'm proposing a new, more festive, soon-to-be holiday shopping tradition...

Henceforth, I hereby proclaim that every first Tuesday following Thanksgiving will be...

PINK TUESDAY!

What is "Pink Tuesday?" Well, that's the day that I've designated for ultra-hip, savvy shoppers to converge on thrift stores from coast to coast to cash in on real bargains and score truly groovy gifts for friends and loved ones on their holiday shopping lists. I mean, who cares about receiving iGadgets when you can receive such awesome goodies as used Debbie Gibson cassettes, previewed Forrest Gump VHS tapes (usually twenty-five cents), slightly stained "I'm with Stupid" T-shirts and slinky cocktail dresses from the '80s.

'Nuff said!

But in all seriousness, I live for the thrifting experience and I'm never disappointed with the amazing spoils that Michelle and I bring home on a regular basis. And the two of us will be kicking off the new tradition this Tuesday, November 29th. We'll be enjoying our obligatory, pre-shopping Starbucks at the Viera, Florida location at 10AM, if you'd like to join us.

PINK TUESDAY -- when it sweeps the nation and becomes an acknowledged and cherished holiday tradition, just remember that you heard about it here first, from your good buddy, author Christopher Long, "The Show Biz Guru."

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

HERE COMES THE BRIDE: Myths Busted - Realities Revealed! (Pt. II)

2011-11-25T19:17:00.015-05:00

With twenty-seven years of hands-on experience as a planner and DJ, the bridal biz is close to the top of the rather short list of subjects in which I possess a certain amount of expertise. And in this, the second part of my ongoing blog series, I will continue to address various aspects of this fabled occasion.

EXPECTATIONS

Contrary to what some TV talking heads, related magazines and industry know-it-alls might tell you, your "perfect day" probably will be less than perfect. Ladies, the truth is, that bird will crap on your head just as quickly and rain will pour just as likely on your day as on any other. The sooner you can accept this fact, the sooner you can move forward with realistic expectations. If you "pull the lever" and all of your "fruits" do line up -- congratulations, you beat the odds. However, if you do experience a "bump" or two, don't freak out. It's perfectly normal. But, by making logical decisions and working with qualified, experienced, trustworthy individuals, you can help minimize your potential anxieties. And FYI, in hindsight, those same "bumps" can end up creating a unique and memorable wedding day.

FEELING LUCKY?

Ahh, a breathtaking Tennessee mountain view, a beautiful Florida beach sunset and a bountiful floral garden. Wow, these sound like perfect settings for an outdoor wedding, right? Yes, of course -- that is, if your "fruits" line up. And I've been involved with countless successful outdoor affairs over the years. However, I've also witnessed more than a few heartbreakers. If the weather cooperates, you win, and win big. If not, the biggest day of your life could end in disaster. The question is, do you feel lucky? Based on my personal experiences, the three most important words of advice that I can offer a bride are: INDOORS, INDOORS, INDOORS!

Taylor and Chad played it smart. Although their 2010 ceremony was held outdoors,

their reception was held indoors and I was thrilled to be part of such a fabulous celebration!

Be sure that rain is not the only factor to consider when planning an outdoor wedding and or reception. In Florida we endure summer-like temperatures nine to ten months out of the year. So even if there's not a cloud in the sky, brides also should consider how they'll deal with the hot sun melting their makeup and their expensive, fancy hairdos. And what time will your event be taking place? Where will the sun be in the sky at that time of day, during that time of year? Think about your photos and whether or not your bridal party will be squinting awkwardly from the blinding sun shooting into their eyes.

But Chris, my party is being held under a tent. It will be fine!

Really? Well, not even a tent completely will protect your celebration from a healthy downpour. (Trust me on this one.) Plus, you still have to consider sweat and humidity factors. Frequently, flying bugs such as mosquitoes can become a huge problem as well. Oh yeah, don't forget about the wind. I remember a bride being hit in the face by a huge piece of flying, sauce-covered aluminum foil that blew off the buffet line and through the air as she walked down the aisle of her makeshift outdoor chapel/reception hall. Imagine just how awesome those photos will look with everyone's hair blowing in all directions and women fighting to control their flowing dresses. It's also important to consider your guests. Yes gals, your guests do matter! And simply put, unless all conditions are absolutely perfect, outdoor affairs can be just plain uncomfortable for everyone.

Lisa and Larry had the best of both worlds.

Their 2005 reception was held at a beautiful riverside venue.

They enjoyed the benefit of a fantastic outdoor setting

for photos, but the actual reception was held indoors.

The smart play, as many of my clients have opted to do over the years, is to plan an outdoor ceremony, but have a viable indoor back-up plan.

Hang on, Chris. What's a "viable back-up plan?"

I'm glad that you asked. Many of the ceremonies in which I'm involved are held at swanky beachside Florida hotels. The archway and chairs all typically are set up on a lovely pool deck area. But if the weather becomes less than cooperative, guests quickly can be ushered to an alternative area inside the hotel at the last minute.

Despite the expectations of first-time brides, most ceremonies are over quicker than expected, so if you're absolutely set on outdoor nuptials, you won't have to "dodge the bullet" for long. But I strongly suggest that the typical three to four-hour, post-ceremony reception should commence at a proper indoor venue. I'll likely address this issue further in future posts.

To be continued...

DROP ME A LINE

Other Here Comes the Bride posts:

Pt. I

Pt.III
Pt. IV
Pt. V
Pt. VI

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

ICE! at The Gaylord Palms Resort - Orlando, Florida

2011-11-22T23:19:00.012-05:00

I enjoyed a fabulous pre-holiday experience this afternoon...

A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend, Michelle, asked me if I'd like to accompany her and her two young daughters to the upcoming ICE! production being held at The Gaylord Palms Resort, located in Orlando, Florida. Okay, to be honest, she really didn't invite me. In her unique (and loving) way, Michelle actually informed me that I was going. I learned very early on in our relationship that it is usually in my best interest to respond to Michelle's various "invitations" with an immediate and at least semi-heartfelt, "Yes, dear." Well, today was the day of the show.

My BFFs, Molly and Casey, are standing in front of a

ginormous Shrek sculpture -- carved completely out of ice!

I never before had been to The Gaylord, but I soon discovered that it's quite a swanky joint and that it is the size of about thirty-seven (large) shopping malls. But the staff was extremely friendly and quite helpful. As a result, upon our arrival, we easily found our way to the event and in a timely fashion.

No, this isn't Mr. Bill.

I learned that this fellow's name is Gingy and he is somehow connected

to the Shrek story. As for his "friend," I believe her name is Cookie.

I understand that they met recently via the "Sweet-n-Single" Internet dating service.

(But I could be wrong.)

Simply put, the ICE! exhibit is akin to a wax museum, except the sculptures are based on the Shrek the Halls story and they are all carved out of ice -- lots and lots of ice! And in order to maintain the sculptures' icy perfection throughout the event's six-week run, the temperature of the viewing area is kept at a "balmy" 9°. Hence, complimentary parkas are loaned out to attendees.

This one gives a whole new meaning

to the term, "Pigs in a Blanket!"

This breathtakingly magnificent Nativity scene

also was carved completely out of ice!

In short, it was an awesome show and all three of us kids had a fantastic time!

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

HERE COMES THE BRIDE: Myths Busted - Realities Revealed! (Pt. I)

2011-11-21T20:57:00.015-05:00

In addition to my writing endeavors, political interests, rock and roll exploits and faith-based pursuits, I'm also a wedding specialist. (No, really.) From DJ-ing to planning, I've been involved in nearly 1,000 weddings since 1984. From the intimate backyard reception with thirteen guests that I DJ'd in the mid-'80s to the full-blown mega gala that I attended at Donald Trump's in the late '90s to my typical events in the 2000s, I've just about seen it all over the last twenty-seven years -- the fun, the festivities, and more than a few (avoidable) real-life nightmares and mishaps.

The song ain't called "Here Comes the Bride" for nothing. Let's face it, when it comes to weddings, it's all about the ladies. Sorry guys. But as the groom, you do have an important role, sorta. And if you play your cards right, you just might get an invitation! Hence, I primarily will be addressing brides.

Gals who clearly have been influenced by episodes of Bridezilla, Oprah-type talking heads and related books and magazines often have unrealistic expectations regarding their "big day." Based on my personal experiences, I have found few professionals within the bridal industry who have the chutzpah to level with their clients and provide them with accurate advice and sound guidance. However, I do. And throughout this continuing series, I will dispel numerous wedding myths and offer valuable insight while recounting a myriad of amazing, sometimes frightening and often hilarious stories. And through sharing these stories, I hope to assist brides-to-be in orchestrating truly memorable ceremonies and receptions -- memorable in a good way.

Rachel and Ben's 2011 wedding was one of my all-time favorite celebrations.

And the bride literally sparkled when she walked into the sunlight!

LET THEM EAT CAKE

I'm often perplexed by brides who spend fortunes on shoes that remain hidden under their flowing gowns and assorted disposable monogrammed do-dads, yet cut corners on such essentials as the DJ, the venue and sometimes, even the crowning jewel of any wedding reception -- the cake...

The year was 1997 and the "Smith" reception was to begin at 5pm. As usual, I arrived to load-in and set up my DJ gear two hours early. By 4pm I noticed that the cake table was empty. No big deal, bakers often bring in the cake close to the reception start time. But at 5pm there still was no cake. And by 5:15 I wasn't the only one becoming concerned as guests began arriving while the cake table remained barren.

Just before 5:30, a frumpy-looking gentleman, carrying a rather large cardboard box, frantically came crashing through the doorway of the reception hall. "The cake! Something happened to the cake!" he exclaimed, desperately looking for someone in charge. We'll call the frumpy guy, "Uncle Joe."

In an attempt to minimize her escalating reception-related expenses, the bride this day had opted for a family member, "Aunt Sue," to provide a homemade wedding cake. This happens frequently in the bridal biz and typically, it meets with fantastic results. However, with all of the ensuing hub-bub this day, Aunt Sue instructed Uncle Joe to deliver the cake for her. Unfortunately, Uncle Joe stopped off for a "cold one" at a local pub along the way.

It was still early spring, but in Florida, outdoor afternoon temperatures in March often can exceed eighty degrees. However, the temperature inside of a locked car with the windows rolled up under these same circumstances is considerably hotter.

"I was only in the bar for a few minutes," Uncle Joe nervously muttered as he placed the box on the cake table.

"Oh my God!" the banquet manager exclaimed as she peeked inside the box to examine the contents.

It was a wedding day nightmare come true. After thirty minutes sitting inside of a roasting car, the once beautiful, three-tier cake now had become a melted trainwreck.

Several ladies who had arrived early and had been alerted of the disaster quickly darted off to the venue's kitchen with the boxful of "remains." Calls immediately were placed to reputable local bakeries in hopes that someone could rush over and help salvage the situation. But it now was close to 6PM on a Saturday and the one bakery that was still open was tied up, servicing their own customer's event.

Before long, the ladies had reconstructed the cake (sorta) -- propping it up and holding it together with cleverly hidden toothpicks. Whoo -- that was a close one! All was now well, sorta.

Vera and Kirk's 2008 reception was a total blast.

And their cake was fabulous!

The bride and groom were both unaware of the narrowly dodged bullet and when it came time to cut the cake, the newlyweds gleefully stuck in the knife and then watched in horror as the red, jelly-filled layers crumbled into pieces, fell off the table and dribbled down the bride's pristine, flowing white gown.

Be sure that I'm not recounting this story to make light of the couple's experience. I frequently will remind readers throughout this series about the importance of making smart choices -- hiring professionals and entrusting essential details to responsible parties. Poor Uncle Joe exemplified neither of these attributes. Sadly, this was a wedding disaster that was completely avoidable.

To be continued...

DROP ME A LINE

Other Here Comes the Bride posts:

Pt. II
Pt.III
Pt. IV
Pt. V
Pt. VI

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

THRIFT STORE ADVENTURES - Pt. III (Holiday Edition)

2011-11-18T14:06:00.011-05:00

Michelle and I got a bit of a jump today on the holiday thrifting season. As grizzled veterans of the thrift store scene, we realized that we needed to call out for additional backup on today's excursion. Consequently, our friend Bambi (yes, that is her real name) came along to offer us much-needed guidance, support and encouragement.

And what treasures we found...

Although it's hard to see in this pic, the

"Hanukkah Harry" bear comes with his own yarmulke!

Apparently, Santa is quite the fisherman.

Who knew?

I'm hoping that Santa will stash a winning

season inside of my new Dallas Cowboys stocking.

My newest favorite new shirt!

Bambi's new shirt is, in a word, appropriate.

There's no place like home.

The spiritual message for the day...

(FRONT)

(BACK)

Like Ace Frehley, circa '76, Michelle won't allow herself

to be photographed without her trademark makeup.

In short, today's outing was incredible. And not even the pungent fragrance of fresh poop, permeating from the elderly gentleman standing next to me in the check-out line could tarnish the experience that Michelle refers to as, "our ultimate score!"

And our well-deserved, post-shopping lunch

at Skewers in Indialantic, FL was SCRUMPTUOUS!

Good times, to be sure!

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

THRIFT STORE ADVENTURES - Pt. II

2011-11-06T15:20:00.004-05:00

As I've gleefully blogged in the past, my girlfriend Michelle and I share a passion for thrifting. So we were giddy about having the opportunity this weekend to venture out to one of our favorite destinations -- the thrift store at Holy Name of Jesus Catholic Church, located in Indian Harbour Beach, Florida. And what treasures we discovered!

There's never a bad time for a new bag and I was delighted to have scored this awesome addition for my collection. (A guy's gotta carry his stuff somehow.) And although the design is rather basic, the color is, in a word, FABULOUS!

This oddity, I'm told, is called a video cassette tape. And like DVDs, it has the capability to transmit visual images onto your TV screen. Although a machine known as a VCR is required in order to use it, I had to make the purchase as this program features two episodes of Saturday Night Live from 1978 -- back when it used to be a comedy show. Plus, it only cost $1. Hopefully I can locate one of those VCR devices on eBay.

I'm not a terribly big fan of this band, but the shirt looked so flippin' fun that I couldn't refuse. Besides, they were only asking about thirty-eight cents for it. What would you have done?

We hope to get an earlier start next weekend and visit several more of our fave local spots. And of course I'll be sure to file a detailed report!

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's second book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

MICHELE BACHMANN: American Jobs, Right Now

2011-11-03T11:28:00.010-04:00

The problem with discussing politics these days is that we've become so partisan, so consumed by an elitist, "I'm right, you're wrong" mentality, that we no longer have the ability to recognize sound ideas, plans and visions for America simply because of the "D" or "R" placed next to the name of the person offering said ideas.

I'm fascinated by politics. And although I do have fun with this stuff from time to time, be sure that I don't post politically-related content on this blog as a means of putting people down for their beliefs or to antagonize those who share opposing views. I merely hope to encourage a healthy and positive dialogue -- our nation can no longer endure or tolerate name-calling. We need to come together for a greater good.

I make no bones about being a diehard Republican. However, I'm open to listening to and considering everyone's thoughts and ideas -- that's how we Conservatives roll. And although I've clearly maintained my support for Michele Bachmann in her current bid for the Republican Presidential nomination, I recognize that many others in the pack have much to offer.

Former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich, brings to the table years of "big gun" experience -- the kind of experience that is necessary in order to lead our country. As the former Governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney has experience not only as a proven leader, but as a successful businessman. And although Atlanta native Herman Cain has never held political office, his stellar reputation in the business world also gives him incredible insight into operating the country from a business standpoint. And in the minds of many, it's the business backgrounds that make both of these men such attractive and viable candidates. Like Romney, Texas Governor Rick Perry is also a proven leader and has a solid reputation in terms of jobs creation.

And therein lies probably THE crucial issue of this current campaign season -- JOBS! The United States of America -- the greatest country in the world, is approaching a 10% unemployment rate. Pointing fingers, name-calling and partisan mud-slinging won't fix this problem. The solution lies in electing a President with a solid jobs plan. This is one of the many reasons why I support Michele Bachmann. Despite her adversary's portrayal of Bachmann as the new "Palin" through often out-of-context soundbites and edited YouTube clips, she is sharp and experienced, and when it comes to jobs creation, she's got a REAL plan.

View Bachmann's plan:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeKoOzb6JuE

If you can put partisan nonsense and media-generated foolishness out of your mind and truly listen to Michele Bachmann's message(s), you too just may become a believer!

Rock on!

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's second book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

THE STARTLING REVELATION: I Am The "Creepy" Guy!

2011-10-28T11:00:00.006-04:00

Two nights ago, I had the pleasure of traveling to Orlando to cover the opening night performance of Family Force 5's "It's All Gold" tour at the ultra-hip, downtown nightspot, The Social. My official review will post in a few days at Ink19.com.

As I stood outside the club, fumbling for my I.D., I noticed that I was getting all sorts of odd looks

from the throngs of teenagers standing in line. I quickly recognized these uncomfortable-looking grimaces -- I'd noticed them before. They were exactly the same looks that I'd been receiving recently from the kids at my church when I'm working production for the youth group's music program.

Then it dawned on me. Oh no! Say it ain't so! I was immediately hit with a startling and crushing revelation. I'd become that guy. At (almost) fifty, I realized I was no longer a card-carrying member of the hipster scene. What happened? I used to OWN that bandwagon!

Flaunting my unique, fun and fabulous fashion sense and having a lifetime's worth of "insider" show biz experiences, I was (in my mind) still the "cool" guy. But I'd seen this look on too many young faces lately. The verdict was in -- I was now officially the "creepy" guy!

My new bandmates, Cody and Cameron.

(It's obvious that I still fit in!)

You've seen that guy. He's the one trying to look hip, but (very) clearly hasn't been since probably back in '89. He hangs out at cutting edge, youth-oriented events (typically by himself) -- events which he's WAY too old to be attending, but believes that he still fits in -- completely oblivious to the fact that teens become disturbed and parents panic and take their children's hands as he approaches.

And I'm certainly NOT "creepy!"

(Am I?)

Yikes! The "creepy" guy? Really? That's not me... right? After all, I was to meet up with my fourteen-year-old niece, Megan at this show. That would certainly dissuade everyone's anxieties -- including the doorman, who also appeared to be creeped-out by my presence. If the perception is that you're somebody's "uncle," then you're "cool" for accompanying a young person to a show. But the longer it took for Megan to arrive, the more disapproving stares I received. "Oh hurry up," I said to myself over and over, as I knew that by hanging out with me, she'd quickly eliminate this unwarranted "creepy" factor.

I really do have a fourteen-year-old niece!

(Me and Megan, after the Family Force 5 show.)

Finally, Megan arrived -- just as the band was taking the stage. And it was an awesome concert, to be sure. The band rocked, we had a blast, no cops were dispatched and by the end of the night I was back home, cranking up my Foreigner 8-tracks and alphabetizing my Mary-Kate and Ashley videotape collection. You see, I'm not so old or creepy after all!

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's second book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

ERIN BURNETT: Hottest Chick Ever?

2011-10-24T11:51:00.006-04:00

I was asked by my longtime friend and business associate, named Jeff, to house-sit for him last week while he went on an action-packed, fun-filled trip to Las Vegas with his girlfriend. At first, I thought that this merely was to be the typical, bring in the mail, pick up the newspaper, care for the pets-type gig. But given the almost parent/child dynamic of the relationship between Jeff and his dog, Bandit, I discovered that this commitment would require me practically to move into his house for ten days until he returned home to Florida in order to offer Bandit near 'round-the-clock care and attention. Since Jeff and I only live a few blocks from each other, I reasoned that although there would be a bit of an inconvenience factor involved, the proposition was certainly doable. Plus, the money Jeff was offering me was pretty appealing. Yeah, I know, we are friends, but as I said, we are also business associates. And accepting his generous financial offer made sound business sense.

I had TV capability disconnected from home years ago -- simply put, it was becoming a service that I perceived as being just too dumb to pay for. (Have you SEEN TV lately?) What TV viewing I have experienced at other places in recent years is usually limited to news-related programs. In fact, I frequently stay up late at my girlfriend's house, bouncing back and forth between MSNBC for its comedic value, CNN for general info and FOX for the truth.

I first recall noticing a particular young woman a few years ago co-hosting the CNBC business program, Squawk on the Street -- her name was Erin Burnett. As someone whom I will respectfully describe as a rather "fetching" anchor, this foxy brunette with sparkling blue eyes and pristine white teeth soon began making random appearances on MSNBC's Morning Joe program -- I was intrigued.

(Turbo-Fox, Erin Burnett)

The coolest aspect about staying at Jeff's house was that he has a 950.2" TV, and the picture is crystal clear. As I surfed through 1,565.4 channels (Jeff goes for the deluxe satellite service) on my first night, I came across the slew of my favorite news shows. And then, there she was -- in full-on, wall-to-wall, HD glory -- Erin Burnett, hosting her new CNN program, OutFront.

On my girlfriend's 27" TV, this thirty-five-year-old Maryland native is a stunning beauty, but on Jeff's mega-set, I quickly recognized that Erin Burnett is a goddess -- perhaps the hottest chick EVER! Simply put, Bandit wasn't the only one sitting on the couch drooling last week. (But in a mature, respectful and non-lust-filled manner, of course!)

(I love when Erin is feeling feisty!)

And here's the kicker -- she's really smart too. In fact, she uses such big and fancy words that Bandit and I typically curled up in front of the set with our respective treats and a handy thesaurus, just to keep up -- I love a woman who can challenge me!

But be sure that my feelings for Erin are genuine and pure, and should not be confused with my obsession with Susan Dey in the early 70s, my affection for Debbie Gibson in the late 80s or my fascination with the Olsen twins throughout the 2000s. No, I'm sure that this is the real deal!

(When Erin is happy -- I'm happy.)

I am concerned, however. Although Erin now flaunts a fabulously fresh, darker-sheen, shoulder-length coif, I noticed that her online promo photos only represent her early, slightly less fabulous look. To that I offer her an open invitation to come to Florida and allow me to set up a proper photo shoot with my longtime professional personal photographer. Heck, even if CNN is too cheap to foot the bill, I'll gleefully pony-up for the session myself, if that's what it takes to update and expand my now daily Google search options!

But even the "old" Erin is a pretty darn steamy look and my only real dilemma now is how soon I can get Jeff out of town so I can house-sit again. But this time, I'll offer him my service, free of charge, because we are, after all, friends.

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

THE SHOWDOWN IN VEGAS: Bachmann - "Taking Care of Business"

2011-10-19T10:47:00.006-04:00

The biggest (and likely only) advantage Barack Obama has over the current crop of GOP Presidential contenders is that by running unopposed for the Democratic nomination, he doesn't have to endure initial intra-party mud that is currently being slung by Republicans vying for their party's nomination. While Mitt Romney and Rick Perry exchanged a barrage of personal insults at last night's Republican debate, President Obama (for now) has the advantage of standing back and appearing (at least somewhat) Presidential.

Like many pre-primary showdowns over the years, last night's Republican event in Las Vegas was less of a debate and more of a high profile, last gasp commercial for candidates considered to be "dark horses" and to offer a knockout opportunity for the perceived front-runners. Ultimately, I don't believe that either objective was accomplished.

Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum administered a few significant jabs, however, he failed to harness a (much-needed) "Hermanator-like" opportunity .

Following what some consider to have been a couple of lackluster recent debate performances, Texas Governor Rick Perry needed to appear strong, confident and "Presidential" in order to regain his "mo." He accomplished neither -- unless you believe that appearing mean-spirited and bullying one's opponent is indicative of being strong, confident and Presidential.

Former Massachusetts Governor and longtime GOP favorite Mitt Romney also failed to the "close the deal." And although he walked unscathed to a degree and in my mind ultimately will get the nomination, certain demon issues such as immigrant lawn workers likely will continue to haunt him throughout the campaign.

Businessman Herman Cain has surprisingly soared recently in the polls, due in part to his controversial "9-9-9" tax plan. However, under closer scrutiny, that plan is seemingly becoming less appealing. And with his rambling about "apples and oranges" last night, Cain just may prove to be this year's "Ross Perot" -- hot for a moment, only to fizzle out further down the road.

Texas Congressman Ron Paul continued laying out specifics regarding his bold vision for the nation's future. However, despite the initial appeal of Paul's rhetoric, the perception remains in the minds of many that his message is simply too radical to connect with mainstream America.

Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich came off calm, cool, knowledgeable and very "Presidential." Unfortunately, perception is reality. And in politics, as with all aspects of show-biz, perception is of paramount importance. In the 2008 Presidential race, Republicans nominated an experienced political leader and American hero. Unfortunately, when compared side-by-side with his young, svelte, rock star-like opponent, the perception of John McCain was that of a pasty, out-of-touch, old white guy. I doubt the GOP will want to relive that 2008 experience. 'Nuff said.

As for Michele Bachmann, the Minnesota Congresswoman appeared strong, confident and experienced. She was focused on the issues without slinging mud and she too remained calm and cool throughout the two-hour face-off. In short, while the boys threw rocks and engaged in name-calling, Bachmann looked and sounded VERY "Presidential."

(President-elect Michele Bachmann!)

So who won last night's debate? Sadly, given the nasty bickering and back-biting among the candidates, I'd say that Barack Obama won hands-down!

Christopher Long
(October 2011)

*Author Christopher Long's new book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

CATS IN THE CRADLE

2011-10-04T11:45:00.009-04:00

My son Jesse turns eighteen this week! And while others in his life are consumed by plans of rushing him off to a strip club or something foolish of that nature, I find myself reflecting on what a blessing he's been to me, how proud I am of him and how I miss those "little guy" days. It's also recently occurred to me what a sheer work of genius Harry Chapin's song, "Cats in the Cradle" truly is.

A child arrived just the other day.
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew,
he'd say,"I'm gonna be like you dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."

I never wanted a child. The notions of a baby’s non-stop crying, midnight feedings and dirty diapers were offensive to me. And I was simply unwilling to put anyone else’s needs before my own selfish ambitions. However, I did a complete one hundred and eighty degree about face regarding parenthood the instant my wife at the time, Trish, came home from her gynecologist in early1993 with the big news, “I’m pregnant!”

Trish and I immediately began renovating our apartment together -- painting the walls, child-proofing cabinets and transforming the one-time guest room into a brand spanking new nursery -- in anticipation of our new "roommate."

Everything about Trish’s pregnancy seemed to be a breeze. She experienced very little morning sickness and she gained hardly any weight. And on October 5, 1993, the night our son Jesse was born, Trish was in actual hard labor for only about an hour. In fact, I joked that the baby came so quickly and effortlessly that Trish didn’t even smear her typically immaculate, Stryper-like make-up.

Me and Jesse, a few days after he arrived

home from the hospital in October 1993.

And I can honestly say that he's been a joy, every moment. Oh sure, we had to come to a few "understandings" along the way, but beyond that, it's been a snap!

(Christmas 2004)

We've been through a lot together over the years -- scraped knees (some were his), father and son vacation adventures, daily commutes to school, our weekly grocery shopping trips, countless late night movies, Orlando Magic basketball games, girlfriends (some were mine) and even a few hurricanes. And I wouldn't change a thing -- except I wish we'd spent even more time together!

(Me and my boy in 2011)

Today is the day that I never thought would arrive. But cliches typically become cliches because they're true. And the guy who first said, "They grow up so fast," was absolutely on-point. And as my son prepares to graduate with honors from high school in the spring, I now find myself asking, "Where did the years go?"

Jesse took an interest in drums very early on.

(Now I take lessons from him!)

I certainly wasn't always the greatest father, but Jesse was, and still is, always the greatest son -- and my best buddy. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have anyone to vent to regarding those darn Libs!

Jesse and his "special friend" Tania at

their school's 2011 Homecoming dance.

(Well done, son.)

It's ironic that as Jess was growing up, I was frequently so caught up in my own personal "stuff," that I didn't always make time for him the way I should have. Conversely, with all of his teenage priorities -- school, band, girls etc., I'm now the one who has to fight for his time.

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me,
he'd grown up just like me.

My boy was just like me.

(From "Cats in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin)

-Chris

P.S.

To all parents, here's a song and video that will completely rip your heart out. It's from singer/songwriter, Sara Groves -- so you know it's amazing!

I TOLD YOU SO !

*Author Christopher Long's new book,

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

COMING SOON: Sara Groves "Invisible Empires"

2011-09-30T11:01:00.005-04:00

I've boldly articulated my unabashed passion for Sara Groves since first discovering her music early last year. Simply put, I believe this Springfield, Missouri native to be the greatest singer/songwriter since Brian Wilson. In fact, even acknowledged modern-day pop messiah Butch Walker cowers and runs for cover like a little sissy whenever Sara Groves enters the room. (Or at least I imagine that he would.) And it gives me indescribable joy to post here that her long awaited new record, Invisible Empires will officially drop on October 18th.

I just purchased,"Eyes on the Prize," the first single off the album from iTunes this morning, and as expected, it's epic! The video clip below is a stripped-down acoustic version of "Eyes" and is perhaps even more powerful than the full-band album version.

Acoustic version of Sara Groves' new single, "Eyes on the Prize."

Sara Groves' 2004 classic, "Less Like Scars."

(Natalie Merchant wishes she could rock the

"Sunday-go-to-meetin'-look" like Sara does!)

After numerous recent failed attempts to be granted admittance to one of her typically sold-out concert appearances (Apparently I'm not such a "big shot" after all), I'm praying that Jesus will give me Sara Groves tickets for Christmas this year!

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

THE "HERMANATOR"

2011-09-26T14:33:00.014-04:00

I've been an admitted political junkie since I was a ten-year-old kid collecting presidential trading cards while growing up in Springfield, Missouri during the early '70s. I follow the national and international political scene with the same passion that many Americans have for following the NFL, the MLB, the NBA or NASCAR. In fact, despite my personal love of the NFL, I'll choose The Sean Hannity Show over Monday Night Football anytime. And as I've posted previously, I embrace the presidential primary season the way the retail world embraces the Christmas holiday shopping season.

Consequently, I receive frequent emails from friends which include links to various political-related sites and news stories. Earlier in the year I received one such email from a longtime business associate of mine, telling me about an interesting underdog candidate named Herman Cain who had recently entered the race for the Republican presidential nomination. Also occasionally referred to as the "Hermanator," Cain's background is based in the business world. His impressive track record includes achieving enormous success while working as a computer systems analyst for the Coca-Cola Company, Vice President of the Pillsbury Company and President and CEO of Godfather’s Pizza.

(Herman Cain)

I found the whole "Hermanator" thing to be rather amusing and I began to pay close attention to the Atlanta, Georgia native. I was impressed by Cain's performances during the various recent televised Republican debates, but I doubted whether his candidacy would gain much momentum. I realize the "political outsider" factor has become quite appealing among voters as of late, but Cain perhaps seemed to be a little too far "outside" of the political arena to be considered a real contender.

That is, until this past weekend's Florida straw poll. Governor Rick Scott boldly stated prior to delegates casting their votes that the straw poll was so important, that the winner of the contest would likely become the party's nominee. And that made perfect sense on Saturday morning, when Texas Governor Rick Perry was the perceived front-runner. With underdog Cain's surprise upset on Saturday evening, Governor Scott was back peddling a bit in the press on Monday.

But why not Cain? His professional track record is impeccable. As many have pointed out in recent years, perhaps having sound business savvy is as vital a quality to running our country as having political experience. To me, it's his experience in business that makes Mitt Romney so appealing. And don't forget, Dwight Eisenhower had never held political office either prior to his presidency.

I want to be clear that I'm certainly not suddenly jumping into bed with Herman Cain because he's become the new "flavor of the week." I've made no bones about being a staunch Michele Bachmann supporter. On many levels (which I'll address at a later time) I believe she's the best candidate for the gig. I'm just giddy with delight to see such a devastating blow dealt to the political establishment and the media which were all too ready to simply hand over the nomination to Perry -- more than five months before the official primary season kick-off -- which makes about as much sense as declaring a Super Bowl champion before the coin toss. More than ever before, our nation deserves as much time as necessary to thoroughly look at all of the candidates before calling this race too soon.

-Christopher Long
(September 2011)

*Author Christopher Long's second book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

HIPPIEFEST 2011

2011-09-17T10:28:00.001-04:00

So just how was my recent experience attending the classic rock cavalcade known as Hippiefest 2011? My official review has now posted on the wildly popular arts and culture website, Ink19.com.

MILESTONE

I've just discovered that in recent weeks, my blog has received over 10,000 hits! Thanks so much to all of my loyal readers -- friends and haters alike. Y'all come back now, ya hear!

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

SHAZAM!

2011-09-16T08:22:00.005-04:00

BOOK II

My second book is now slated for a holiday release. I'll have much to share regarding my next effort very soon. In fact, complete details will be officially unveiled HERE on Tuesday,November 15, 2011. SPOILER: it will NOT be entitled, Book II.

My soon-to-be released second book

will NOT be entitled, Book II.

I'M BACK!

I hate Facebook. And I've never made any attempt to hide my feelings concerning what I openly refer to as a "soul-sucking force." I even gleefully deactivated my account a few months ago. However, with my second book ready to drop, I caved to the pressure of my handlers and have now returned to the popular social network. If you can manage the time, I invite you to visit me on FB at either my personal page or my new official "Author" page. Heck, you can even "Like It," should you feel compelled.

AMAZING INSPIRATION

I'm currently reading Destined to Reign by Joseph Prince. Simply put, it's an engaging, Spirit-filled page-turner, focused on the message of God's grace. A recommended read, to be sure!

A recommended read.

THIS AND THAT

A good friend of mine sent me this picture of these fabulous purses a few days ago while she was on vacation in Michigan. Now I know what became of my old LP collection!

It's so important to accessorize.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

I just received my son's high school graduation portraits. The feeling was bittersweet. It's awesome to see him growing up to be such an incredible young man, but I miss the days when he'd hold my hand as I walked him to pre-school. It's really becoming tough to hear "Cats in the Cradle" these days. Darn that Harry Chapin!

My son Jesse will turn eighteen next month.

(To celebrate, I'm taking hm to see Butch Walker)

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book,

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

ENTER SANDMEN

2011-09-08T10:35:00.004-04:00

I had the distinct pleasure earlier this week of meeting with Master Sand Sculptor, Jill Harris, at my local Starbucks. I had recently discovered the amazing creations by Jill and her partner, World Champion sand sculptor, Thomas Koet, at Sandsational.com.

One of Sandsational's slogans is, 'When you want WOW!' And to be quite honest, I can't think of a better or more accurate pitch. I was immediately in awe of their incredible artistry, and since this creative team is based in my hometown of Melbourne, Florida, my journalist instincts led me to set up a face-to-face interview with Ms.Harris.

Master Sand Sculptor, Jill Harris

World Champion Sand Sculptor, Thomas Koet

Although Harris and Koet travel the world year 'round creating their unique art, one of the more exciting events currently on their schedule is the upcoming Art of Sand International Sand Sculpting Festival being held next month here in Melbourne at the Space Coast Stadium. The Art of Sand is a sand sculpting exhibition featuring the work of seventeen international Master Sand Sculptors. I'm looking forward to witnessing first-hand what these renowned artists will create with over 1,000 tons of sand. The festival will run from October 14 - 23 and is open to the public.

More behind-the-scenes details coming soon!

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's second book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

THE (UN)ENDLESS SUMMER

2011-09-03T13:48:00.010-04:00

Although technically, summer doesn’t officially end for another couple of weeks, I think most would agree that the season really runs from Memorial Day through Labor Day -- right? Well then, this would likely be the perfect time to take a moment and reflect on what was the summer 2011. For me, it was an amazing season of new beginnings, discoveries and celebrations.

WRITINGS ON THE WALL

As a music journalist, I recently attended and reviewed a couple of major concert events -- the Mötley Crüe/Poison/New York Dolls show at The St. Petersburg Times Forum in July and “Hippiefest” last week in Melbourne, Florida. My official review of the latter will post on the popular arts and culture web site, Ink19.com, in the next few days.

In other writing developments, I’ve now completed my second book. I expect it to drop very soon and I look forward to sharing all of the specifics in the next week or so.

You won't believe this one!

Stand by...

STUDY HALL

A truly surreal experience this summer was when I returned to school -- as a student! I’m now enrolled at East Coast Christian University, located in Merritt Island, Florida. Although it will take several years to complete, ultimately, my goal is to earn a Doctorate in Theology. My first test is this week. YIKES! I’ll be sure to post the gory lowdown. C’mon, Spring Break!

In a related item, I’m proud to say that I’m done combing the New Testament, word for word, for my third time in the last year or so. If you’ve not checked out the Bible, I recommend the NLT (New Living Translation). Simply put, it’s an engaging page turner. In fact, I’ve found content in the Bible that’s so salacious, it makes an episode of Jersey Shore seem about as racy as a rerun of Full House!

My seventeen-year-old son, Jesse, also began his college experience last month. And to celebrate our “last” summer, we took a special father and son trip to New York City. We had a blast taking in all of the distinctive sights, sounds and smells of the Big Apple, and he nearly had a heart attack when his hero, Coheed and Cambria drummer Chris Pennie joined us for dinner at the world-famous Carnegie Deli. Our excursion was an incredible and memorable experience.

Coheed and Cambria drummer, Chris Pennie with my son

Jesse (L) and his buddy Sniffy (R) at Carnegie Deli in NYC.

Where did the years go?

Me and Jesse, poolside during our adventure in the Big Apple.

THE SILVER SCREEN

I’ve also recently spent a good bit of time at the movies -- enduring a slew of barely watchable, mind-numbing stinkers including The Hangover II, Horrible Bosses, Bad Teacher and The Green Lantern. However, I have extremely high hopes for The Help, which I eagerly look forward to seeing this weekend.

I WANNA ROCK!

And what would summer be without a new musical discovery? I want to thank my pal Bradley Morris for turning me onto The Almost. Fronted by Underoath drummer Aaron Gillespie, The Almost is a snappy little rock combo hailing from Clearwater, Florida. I’m enjoying them immensely and I expect to be blogging about them extensively in the upcoming weeks.

My new fave flave -- The Almost.

HOST WITH THE MOST?

I was honored to return as host of the Brevard Live Music Awards ceremony, held on August 8th at the Gleason Center for the Performing Arts in Melbourne, Florida. Also known as the BMAs, this 8th annual event is the hometown version of the Grammys and was a huge success. It also raised thousands of dollars for the Brevard Music Aide foundation.

I was somewhat enthusiastic about hosting this year's BMA ceremony!

HAIL TO THE CHIEF

Among other rather dubious distinctions, I’m also known as something of a political junkie. In fact, I used to collect President cards when I was a kid. Sad, right? Consequently, I’m excited to see the U.S. Presidential campaign season beginning to heat up. Although I’d love for Hillary to jump in and completely thwart Obama’s re-election mission (and you know she’d bury him this time around), it’s not likely to happen. As for the Republicans, I confess to being a huge Romney fan. But although I would gleefully support him in the general election, I’m wholeheartedly supporting Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann 100%. And I’m confident that if the media will focus less on her stone cold foxiness, and more on the issues, it will become abundantly clear that she’s simply the best candidate. Stand by. I’m just getting warmed up.

The quite fetching and very qualified President-elect, Michele Bachmann.

PARTING SHOTS

Here’s a crazy one. I received an email last week notifying me that Osama Bin Laden was now “Following” me on Twitter. Hmm. Did I miss a major news story?

I leave you now with a final salutation -- a heartfelt quote, directly from my Starbucks barista last week...

She loves me. She loves me not.

-Chris
P.S. Now for the REALLY big question… ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?

*Author Christopher Long's second book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

UPCOMING PROJECTS - CURRENT REVIEWS

2011-08-29T07:37:00.015-04:00

Although my first book, A Shot of Poison arrived in stores more than a year ago, it continues to generate online discussion. The most recent review posted just this morning on the popular rock site, BringBackGlam.com. Additional commentary regarding my behind-the-scenes rock and roll memoir can be found on AngelsCove.blogspot.com, DenimsBlog.worldpress.com, SeaOfTranquility.org and Metal-Rules.com.

My debut release, entitled A Shot of Poison

reached #3 on Amazon's Top Rock Books

ranking in July 2010.

From "explosive," "engaging" and "entertaining" to "pathetic" and "a complete waste of money," there have been a myriad of passionate observations offered to describe my literary debut -- as well as me personally. I got a particular kick out of the former tour manager who characterized me online as a "douchebag" on the day A Shot of Poison was released. But be sure that I appreciate, value and respect the views of all who take the time to check out my work and I welcome the opportunity to develop further personal connections with readers through my future writing endeavors.

My 2010 book signing at Barnes & Noble in Allentown, PA.

As I've now moved beyond my first book experience, I'm delighted to be finally putting the finishing touches on my second release. I've remained somewhat tight-lipped throughout the year-long development phase, however, I expect "Book II" to be available very soon and I hope to reveal all of the exciting particulars within the next week or so.

Stand by for the full scoop.

In the meantime, I'm also currently involved with author Michelle Rollins on her soon-to-be-released debut, Brave Soul: The Shattered Life of a Would-Be Rocker. More details coming soon!

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's second book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

SMELL THE WEENIES ROASTIN'!

2011-08-20T14:19:00.010-04:00

With the pomp and pageantry of Labor Day weekend just around the corner, the summer of 2011 will soon be a memory -- "snapshot" entries in our various diaries, blogs and journals.

I've always been a summertime kind of guy, but as I've gotten older, I've gained a greater appreciation for the festive (and cooler) fall season. But before I close the books, so to speak on the season that has (nearly) passed, I wanted to share a few more summer discoveries while August still has a little gas left in the tank.

I've been enjoying author Martin Popoff and David Perri's new encyclopedia-type guide to all things metal from the last decade... The Collector's Guide to Heavy Metal: Volume 4 - The '00s.

A must-have for modern day metal aficionados.

In my estimation, Popoff is the world's foremost authority on heavy metal music and culture and he writes with unique candor and wit. Although I have little personal passion for the post-'80s hard rock scene, Popoff does recognize several new millennium efforts from many of my old school faves. I found his assessment of recent records from New York Dolls to be spot-on, and using "sacrilege" and "horrendous" to describe the "unlistenable" late '80s ZZ Top re-mixes was hilariously accurate. My complete official review will post on Ink19.com in the next few days.

I was delighted to have been approached this summer by Florida-based hard rock frontman, Ty Oglesby. After years of performing on the local scene, merely as a band member, Ty has struck out on his own and is currently preparing to release his debut solo record. Entitled Demons Within, the seven-song, heavy rock collection is set to drop next month. However, as deadlines grew near, Ty found himself in need of a new CD packaging layout. Given our long time friendship and my vast experience regarding this type of situation, it was my pleasure to offer him the necessary assistance in the final hour.

I had a blast designing the layout for Ty Oglesby's
soon to be released Demons Within CD.

(The music is very "Stained Class")

I will have much more to say about this stellar piece of work following its official release next month. Stay tuned!

Possibly the most ill-named tour of the summer, Hippiefest 2011 will be rolling into Central Florida next week and I'll be covering the event for Ink19. I'm psyched about finally seeing Mark Farner and Rick Derringer live for the first time -- especially since we all now seem to be "teammates!" Stand by for the lowdown...

Despite their late 60s roots, Mason, Farner, Derringer and Wright are

best-known as classic rock artists of the 70s. The whole "Hippie" thing

seems a bit misleading and kinda dopey. But hey, if it helps to sell tickets...

Although I am getting into the swing of things, my newfound college experience has been far from a breeze. Apparently this is something that involves a degree of commitment. Also, you're required to read and study in addition to the time spent working in the classroom. Really? How did I miss the memo on that? Okay, if Bluto could do it...

Updates to come.

Bible bag -- check. Lunch box -- check. Change purse -- check.

(Stuff a college guy needs!)

'Til next time...
-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book,

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

CALLING DR. LONG

2011-08-12T15:28:00.002-04:00

I attended an actual academic class last night for the first time since shortly after graduating from high school, thirty years ago. Yes, I'm now officially a college man -- frightening, right?

As a junior last year, my son attended half high school classes and half college classes. As a seventeen-year-old senior this year, he'll be attending all college classes. In fact, when he's handed his high school diploma next summer, he'll also simultaneously receive his AA.

My little over achiever!

For me, I slept through most of high school. I was considerably less focused on academics and more focused on getting high, chasing chicks, alphabetizing my 8-track tape collection and prepping for my (perceived) future as a rock star -- choices I now regret. Although I did attend a local community college immediately following high school in 1981, I was "encouraged" by an instructor to withdraw after only two weeks, based on my initial, less than stellar performance.

Over the last year or so, I have felt increasingly compelled to pursue the Christian ministry. But when I discussed a recent faith-based writing project with an established Christian publishing agent, he basically informed me that I wasn't qualified to talk about Jesus to anyone and that I might be best served to simply keep my mouth shut. Thanks for the love, brother!

My next move was clear. At age forty-eight, I decided to go back to school. The basic college experience would offer me another common denominator with my son. However, a college experience at a Christian university would not only enhance my spiritual journey, but it would also provide me with the necessary cred. to move forward in pursuing legitimate ministry opportunities.

I feel like I'm channeling Rodney Dangerfield

in the 1980s film, Back to School.
(I hope none of my instructors go "Kinison" on me!)

So there I was, filling out admission forms and paying tuition fees at nearly fifty, preparing for my first night of class at East Coast Christian University in Merritt Island, Florida. Although it will take several years worth of hard work and dedication, my goal is to ultimately earn a Doctorate in theology. I'll keep everyone apprised of my progress.

The way I see it, if this guy can do college, so can I.

(Okay, so maybe Bluto isn't exactly the best example.)

FYI -- Only seven more months 'til Spring Break -- WOO HOO!

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book,

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

PARANOIA -- SELF-DESTROYA!

2011-08-10T14:06:00.011-04:00

“Attention all innocent, law-abiding Americans! Children, seniors, Sunday School teachers, veterans, butchers, bakers, candlestick makers -- everybody! THAT MEANS YOU TOO, ‘MS. PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED!’ Be prepared to present your photo I.D. and DNA sample. Then place your change, shoes, belts, watches, wedding rings, St. Christopher medals, cell phones, laptops, intrauterine devices and ANYTHING ELSE WE TELL YOU, into the plastic bins located under the conveyor belt. DO IT! DO IT NOW! And smile -- your every move is being monitored, for your protection.

For many years now, I’ve grown accustomed to being nearly stripped-searched by airport security every time I board a flight. Like most Americans, I’ve oddly accepted being treated like a terrorist as a price that must be paid for the privilege of safely flying the “friendly skies.” FYI, I’ve found the airport in Cincinnati, Ohio to implement particularly intrusive security tactics -- they even (separately) scanned my half-used pack of chewing gum when I visited that facility while on tour in 2006. This occurred about half a minute prior to airport authorities placing me in a phone booth-like chamber and electronically blasting air into my private “cavities.” (Thank you sir, may I have another!) But this is something that I’ve just come to expect as a frequent flyer, navigating from coast-to-coast in a post 9/11 world. Let’s face it folks, it ain’t 1971 anymore, and I get that.

At least they don't x-ray my Starbucks

orders at the airport...yet!

However, my concern isn’t my feeling of being personally violated by TSA measures. My concern is that this type of “guilty ‘til proven innocent” theology is now being applied elsewhere.

I recently visited my local bank -- it’s part of a huge chain widely known throughout my Florida “region.” As if I was I naughty five-year-old being disruptive in church, I was immediately informed by the condescending sixty-something-looking teller that I was to remove my hat and glasses upon entering her branch office. I further learned that she was refusing to cash my check until I complied with her instructions. “I’ll do no such thing,” I replied. This met with a less than enthusiastic response from the teller. After engaging in a rather heated, albeit brief dialog, I asked who I could speak to regarding closing my account. In short, I now no longer do business with that bank.

Be sure that this has little to do with hats and glasses, although I was extremely insulted by the experience. My glasses are prescription and I’m even allowed to wear my hat in church. The way I see it, if it’s good enough for Jesus, it ought to be good enough for the “First Federal Acme Savings and Loan,” right? This does, however, have everything to do with innocent Americans being further treated like criminals and our acceptance of this as the norm.

Many of my family members work in banking as well as in law enforcement, so I’m personally aware of legitimate security concerns. But banks utilize state-of-the-art surveillance technology, both indoors and out. A photo and video was likely taken of me before both of my cheeks were out of my car. The teller had in her possession, my photo I.D. and as an account holder, the bank has at its disposal, most all of my personal background info (i.e. SS#, home address, phone numbers, driver’s license #, etc.). With the click of a mouse, she could learn everything about me, but what did I know about her? Zilch!

So where does it end? Will the “First Federal Acme Savings and Loan” soon see fit to strip-search “granny” and have her remove her wig, her Depends and leave her bifocals in the car in order for her to deposit $5 into “Little Johnny’s” college fund? Oh, I know, that’s just ridiculous, right? Don’t be so sure.

But wait. There’s more!

About a year ago I was sent by a magazine I was writing for to cover the Anvil concert at The House of Blues, located on Disney property in Orlando, Florida. Despite being a concert venue, the HOB has a reputation for having a rather strict security policy, so before I had even made my way up to the venue’s metal detector, I’d already removed everything from my pockets -- I even removed my belt. There I was, holding all of my personal affects with one hand and struggling to hold up my pants with the other.

As I approached the check-point, a rather buff security guy with a tight-fitting HOB T-shirt ordered me to remove my hat. Really? I was clearly trying to make every attempt to be a “good little soldier,” so I placed my belongings on the security table and lifted my snug beanie. This still didn’t appease the guard who instructed me to completely remove my hat so he could personally inspect it. Really? I showed him my press credentials and informed him that I was there in a professional capacity. This seemingly meant precious little and he repeated his command, “I need to inspect your hat.” “What do you have to hide?” he asked accusingly. “Nothing,” I replied. I reminded him that I was with the press and I could either...

A) Go home that night and write a story about having

a fantastic experience at The House of Blues

B) I could write a feature about how
"difficult" HOB security guys are.

He chose option "B."

As his additional back-up guys gathered around, he continued accusing me of trying to smuggle something in under my skull cap, while repeating several times, “It’s Disney, man. It’s Disney.” All rightie, duly noted.

Like all rock fans, I was horrified when guitarist "Dimebag" Darrell was murdered onstage during a concert a few years ago. Sadly, the world is filled with all kinds of fringe-types these days. But c'mon, this situation was ridiculous. I couldn't have concealed a condom under my cap, much less a gun, booze or narcotics. Plus, I'd already lifted the silly thing up for this guy and frankly, I'd had enough of his foolishness.

In short, I stood my ground, I was denied entrance into the show and my buddies and I went to P.F. Chang’s for dinner instead -- and it was flippin' delicious! Oh yeah, I no longer attend any events at The House of Blues and have consequently discovered how wonderful the staff is at their competing venue, the fantastic, Hard Rock Live.

Here I am in all of my suspicious and threatening glory --

press credentials to boot, just after being denied admittance

at Orlando's House of Blues

Hang on. I’m not done yet…

My dad is seventy-nine-years-old and in recent years he’s faced a myriad of personal heart-related health issues. Consequently, I’ve now become somewhat of a “frequent flyer” at our local hospital. I know the drill. I walk in through the lobby, head to the elevator, push the button for the seventh floor, exit the elevator, make my way to my dad’s room, check on his status, extend my “get well soon” wishes, exit the hospital in the same manner in which I entered, get in my car and drive home just in time to catch Dancing with the Stars -- it’s a no-brainer.

But last week my dad had a real close call and he was rushed by ambulance from his house to the hospital. Upon being notified of the situation, I rushed to be with him. To my chagrin I was stopped just inside the main entrance. “Photo I.D. please,” the gal at the front desk said as I entered the lobby. Yep, that’s right, in addition to the deputy sheriff brigade positioned throughout the facility, I also had to present a photo I.D. in order to be issued the security badge now required for me to visit my dad.

Are security violations at hospitals now running so rampant that armed guards alone can’t adequately ensure the safety of patients, staff, newborns and the limitless supply of meds?

It’s a dangerous and often evil world we live in folks. I understand that. But this ain’t nothing new. Humans have been wicked little creeps since that whole apple incident in the Garden of Eden -- long before lunatics were crashing planes into buildings. The truth is, we aren’t truly safe even in our own cars or homes. While I appreciate people’s trepidation, I’m concerned about the amount of ground we seem so willing to surrender in the pursuit of un-attainable, guaranteed safety. We’re allowing ourselves to be dictated to by fear. It’s “Home of the BRAVE,” not, “Home of the PARANOID.” If I rob a bank, steal a baby, assassinate a performer or attempt to high jack an airplane, I expect to be gunned-down, on the spot -- shot dead, right between the eyes -- after I commit a crime. Until then, I’d appreciate not having to endure being fingered anymore by “Big Hank,” the burly airport security guy -- especially while simply attempting to board a plane to see my aunt Mabel in Little Rock.

ASSUME THE POSITION!
In all fairness, I must confess that my recent experience at
New York's La Guardia airport was actually relatively pleasant.

And one more thing...

If you still aren't convinced of what a completely paranoid society we've become, just try checking your kid out of school early some day. That experience is an entire post all by itself.

-Chris

THIS JUST IN: (9/16/11)

For those who think I'm simply a "cry baby," making too much of this issue, it was announced today on Fox News that beginning this weekend the National Football League will implement a "full pat-down" policy for ALL fans attending NFL games. I hate to say, "I told you so," but...

*Author Christopher Long's new book,

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

THE BREVARD LIVE MUSIC AWARDS (My Final Words)

2011-08-09T23:16:00.006-04:00

Approximately 500 musicians, fans and industry-types packed The Gleason Performing Arts Center in Melbourne, Florida for last night's big event -- The 8th Annual Brevard Live Music Awards ceremony.

The Gleason Performing Arts Center

in Melbourne, Florida.

Sponsored by Brevard Live magazine, the BMAs, as they're often referred, is the hometown version of the Grammy Awards. It's the party of the year, a special gala where folks get dressed up, rent limos and come out to celebrate the local music scene. Attendees are treated to a big-city production in a fabulous venue that features numerous live performances along with the dozen or more awards which are presented in various categories. Winners are based on the votes cast by the readers of Brevard Live.

Vocalist Sniffy Leibowitz and drummer Jesse Long

from the band, The Ellers, presenting award.

This year's big winners were the teenage rock band, Red Tide (Merritt Island, FL) -- named "Favorite Cover Band," Simone and the Super Cats (Satellite Beach, FL) -- named "Favorite Original Band" and the rock trio, Spanks (Palm Bay, FL) -- named "Entertainer of the Year."

Red Tide named "Favorite Cover Band."

Simone and the Super Cats named "Favorite Original Band."

The evening's highlights included amazing live performances from the show's house band and hometown vocalists, Pam Jacobs and Ana Kirby, in addition to an incredible mini-set from world-renowned jazz vibes virtuoso, Christian Tamburr. The audience was also treated to other blazing live performances from saxophonist Steve Mazzi, guitarist Chuck Van Riper, pianist Ron Teixeira and Marc Dobson, "The One Man Band."

2011's BMA house band.

(Joe Calautti, Sam Hill and Tom Willett)

Christian Tamburr

I'm honored to have hosted seven of these eight annual events. And although it's not likely that I'll return next year, I'm proud to have ended my run with what I believe was the best show of this long-running series.

I really had a lot of fun hosting this year's event!

(It's amazing what $1.38 can buy at Good Will)

For further dish on the big party, check out next month's issue of Brevard Live, which hits the streets on September 1st.

-Chris

*Proceeds from the BMAs benefit the Brevard Music Aide Foundation which offers financial assistance to local musicians in need.

*Author Christopher Long's new book,

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

THE REALLY BIG SHOOO!

2011-08-08T15:16:00.002-04:00

I'm honored to be hosting tonight's Brevard Live Music Awards ceremony at the Gleason Performing Arts Center, located in Melbourne, Florida. Also referred to as the BMAs, this annual event is affectionately known as the hometown version of The Grammy Awards -- a sell-out crowd is expected.

Here are a couple of pre-show, behind-the-scenes photos...

The production crew, setting up the stage.

My dressing room. Fancy, right?

(Now where are those green M&Ms I requested?)

I'll post a full show re-cap in the next day or so.

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

NEW YORK STATE OF MIND

2011-08-04T22:57:00.005-04:00

In spite of having a full schedule of meetings with
various publishing colleagues while in NYC, my
entourage and I still managed to take in the sights,
sounds and smells of the big city this week.

(Here are a few more fun highlights)

A fantastic view from my cab

at the corner of 7th and 42nd.

(I love the Gibson hollow-body)

This unique downtown sidewalk vendor

specializes in an amazing assortment of

(flippin' delicious) cupcakes.

I swear, I was only gone for a minute!

My son, Jesse (R) with his buddy

Sniffy in Greenwich Village.

Another rainy night in New York City...

Just outside of Carnegie Deli at 7th and 55th.

(The pastrami was to die for and

the cheesecake was out of this world!)

Oh yeah... are Rihanna's "Fifteen Minutes" up yet?

I realize her computer-generated downloads and

soft-core YouTube clips are wildly popular with

the tweenage sect, but c'mon. We couldn't walk a

block anywhere in the city without seeing one of

these posters of her hocking Coconut Water.

Enough already!

All in all, the trip to NYC was an incredible experience

and Michelle and I are looking forward to returning in

the fall to take in a few shows. (Jersey Boys, The Addams

Family and Rock of Ages all look to be outstanding productions)

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book,

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

is available NOW!

http://CmonTheBook.com/

NIGHTS ON BROADWAY

2011-08-03T23:23:00.004-04:00

The city that never sleeps hasn't even been
the slightest bit groggy since we arrived...

Times Square is as much fun as ever.

NYPD -- Protecting and serving.

You gotta love the M&M store!

Me and my kid, burning the midnight oil.

The blinginest Mickey D's ever!

Me and Michelle at Times Square.

To be continued...

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book,
C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation
is available NOW!
http://CmonTheBook.com/

BACK IN THE NEW YORK GROOVE

2011-08-03T11:42:00.028-04:00

It's great to be back in NYC...

one of the greatest cities on earth!

Oh, how I've missed the pungent fragrance of
rotting garbage, feces and warm urine.

I mean, c'mon...

Is anybody in charge here?

Anybody?

Seriously though, the experience does get better. Really.
Stand by for the complete play-by-play!

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book,

C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

is available NOW!

http://CmonTheBook.com/

BRAVE SOUL

2011-07-28T11:16:00.005-04:00

In addition to focusing on my next book, I'm also excited to be involved with assisting first-time author Michelle Rollins with her upcoming debut autobiography.

Author Michelle Rollins

Entitled Brave Soul: The Shattered Life of a Would-Be Rocker, this aspiring singer/songwriter tells her personal story in graphic detail. From her nightmare childhood, which led to a pain-filled life consumed by sex, drugs, prostitution, the occult and prison time, to her ultimate spiritual awakening, Rollins offers the reader a virtual "E Ticket" for an emotional roller coaster ride to Hell and back.

Good solid stuff, right? I'll keep you posted.

-Chris
Inquiries: AuthorChristopherLong@yahoo.com

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

BURDEN OF PROOF: The Casey Anthony Trial

2011-07-05T23:12:00.005-04:00

Television’s most ridiculous and shameful reality series has now come to a near conclusion, as the verdict heard ‘round the world was handed down a few hours ago in an Orlando, Florida courtroom.

While pundits and other high profile talking heads chime in on the outcome of the media-fueled "dog and pony show" that was the Casey Anthony trial, the most compelling commentary I heard came from a child.

"Shouldn't that little girl's mommy have known where she was all the time?" my girlfriend's ten-year-old daughter asked during dinner this evening. "If her mommy didn't do it, then who else could have possibly done it?" she further reasoned. In her amazing, child-like wisdom, she cut to the very core of the matter -- perfectly articulating in nine seconds what should have been the prosecution's entire open and shut case.

The theory that, "if it don't fit, you must acquit," apparently continues to affect (infect) jurors, years after Johnny Cochran successfully offered the now infamous defense at the 1995 O.J. Simpson trial.

But be sure that the popular notion that one cannot be convicted on circumstantial evidence is false. In fact, most (pre-O.J.) criminal convictions were (and occasionally still are) based, at least in part, on circumstantial evidence that sufficiently links criminal and crime.

Okay, for argument's sake, let's say that this really was a complex case and that former bikini salesman Jose Baez is actually a criminal defense mastermind who fought tooth and nail to see that justice prevailed. (Hooray, Jose!) But this jury also acquitted Casey Anthony on the charge of aggravated child abuse. Really? In the words of my girlfriend's daughter, "Shouldn't that little girl's mommy have known where she was all the time?" C'mon, on that count, "the glove fits" -- like a noose. Even my ten-year-old friend could see that.

I've got to run to the Zippy Mart now for some Pepto -- I'm feeling kinda sick to my stomach.

-Chris
www.answers.com/topic/circumstantial-evidence#ixzz1RHLk8Qg6

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

MOVIE REVIEW: "BAD TEACHER"

2011-06-26T22:46:00.010-04:00

Still reeling from the disappointment of The Hangover II, I continue my quest for the great comedy flick of the summer. So my son and I attended the first showing on opening day of Bad Teacher, directed by Jake Kasdan and starring Cameron Diaz.

If nothing else, Bad Teacher offers a bold commentary on today’s culture. In short, the movie goes the distance to project the message that as long as you’re a hot chick who dresses like a stripper -- even a forty-year-old hot chick who dresses like a stripper, you can do no wrong -- no matter what. In fact, there’s absolutely nothing endearing about Diaz’s character -- Elizabeth Halsey, a junior high school teacher, obsessed with financing her boob job -- at all costs. Simply put, Halsey is an unlikable, lying, cheating, self-centered, alcoholic, drug-using gold-digger who is nothing but nasty to everyone in her life -- including her tweenage students. But she’s a hot chick who dresses like a stripper, so the fact that she’s a horrible person is somehow okay. Throughout the film, Halsey is pursued by the gym teacher, Russell Gettis, played by Jason Segel. But for the life of me I don’t understand the attraction -- except for the fact that Halsey is a hot chick who dresses like a stripper. When Halsey gets busted for stealing the answers to an upcoming state student exam, she gets off scott-free -- which we're led to believe is awesome ’cuz, remember, she’s a -- well you get the idea. And when she’s confronted by another teacher whose only apparent crime is being a happy and positive person, the audience applauds when Halsey triumphs. Even Justin Timberlake’s character, a goody-two-shoes substitute teacher named Scott Delacourt, is portrayed as a dolt, until Halsey succeeds in leading him to compromise his values.

To be fair, I must admit that Bad Teacher does have several laugh-out-loud moments. However, there were just enough of those to justify spending the $4 on my discounted matinee ticket. Actually, this could have been a worthwhile film, but like so many others these days, a potentially clever story was sacrificed and dumbed-down in order to appeal to the lowest common denominator. My quest continues.

-Christopher Long
(June 2011)

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

TRANSLATIONS

2011-06-18T14:04:00.004-04:00

I was faced with a certain spiritual dilemma following my "awakening" last year. I was "hungry" for the Word of God, however, I had difficulty comprehending the language used in my ol' tried and true King James Version (KJV). Fortunately, my cousin Dorothy had a solution.

Dorothy and her family attended my book signing in Orlando, FL on April 17, 2010. I’d mentioned to Dorothy previously my anxieties regarding the KJV. At the end of the event, she handed me a colorful gift bag with fancy tissue paper sticking out of the top, containing a new Bible -- an NLT (New Living Translation). This was a version even I could understand and it was exactly what I needed.

Just as we all enjoy unique personal relationships with our earthly fathers, we likewise all have special connections to our spiritual Father. Consequently, I don't believe that any particuar version of the Bible is a one-size-fits-all translation.

Although the language used in the KJV is certainly beautiful, I struggled with the "verilies," "heretos" and "therefores." Yet with its streetwise simplicity, I began burning through my NLT like a hot knife through butter.

Here's just one example of the differences between the KJV and the NLT...

MATTHEW 17:20

(KJV)

And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you , If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain , Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

(NLT)

You don't have enough faith, Jesus told them. I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.

I'm certainly NOT suggesting that any one translation is better than another. I'm merely suggesting that if you too "hunger" for the Word of God, but feel overwhelmed, there are several options and I encourage everyone to seek out he version that best "speaks" to them.

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/

HOT FUN IN THE SUMMERTIME!

2011-06-02T13:24:00.004-04:00

Ah yeah, it's that amazing time of year once again. But before I become completely consumed with barbeques, beach outings and what's shaping up to be a hectic summer appearance schedule, I'd like to take a moment and reflect on the holiday weekend that just passed.

MEMORIAL DAY

Both Memorial Day and Veteran's Day are extremely important holidays to me. We waste so much time and energy in this country glorifying tabloid-type pop culture hacks that we often lose sight of who the TRUE American heroes really are -- the brave men and women in uniform who have served, continue to serve, and in many cases, given their lives for our country.

I remember being a kid in the early 1970s and seeing the soldiers on TV returning home from Vietnam. I also remember how badly many of them were treated by the very people whom they risked their lives to protect.

In my humble opinion, ANYONE who serves our country in the Armed Forces deserves to be treated like a king or queen upon his or her return home. The fact that so many American Vets are homeless and are denied proper medical treatment is an outrage. Personally, I'd gladly cough up extra scratch in taxes to ensure that these people are treated like the heroes they are -- for life.

Thank you, Vets. Thanks for doing the job that I didn't have the balls to do. God bless you all!

BUT "SERIOS"-LY FOLKS

Last Sunday, my longtime award-winning band Dead Serios reunited for a special charity fundraiser at Siggy's Nightclub in Palm Bay, Florida. This was a particularly personally rewarding experience for three reasons.

1. After twenty-six years, it's still fun to get together with my old bandmates once a year, act like fools, rock hard and prove once again why we're still the greatest band on earth. Just sayin'!

2. The event raised a ton-o-cash for The Genesis House, a fabulous organization located in Melbourne, Florida.

3. And last but not least, I was thrilled and honored to have my seventeen-year-old son, Jesse, onboard and onstage with me as our fill-in drummer for the show. He's simply an incredible rock solid player and he was awesome!

EAST COAST ROCK

Despite the understandable current public apathy regarding the live music scene on Florida's Space Coast, I'm delighted to report that there IS something exciting going on -- although it ain't being heard in any bar or nightclub.

The music program being presented at East Coast Christian Center located in Merritt Island, Florida is absolutely on fire. Any cynic who thinks "Christian" rock is somehow less compelling, less relevant or less edgy than the "vomit" rock that the world currently has to offer, needs to check out what's happening at East Coast. Last night's Concert of Worship for an Audience of One was simply amazing.

Well, that's it for now. I gotta get busy. If I don't complete my review of the new Nazareth record today, my editor at Ink 19 will have my head on a platter!

Until next time...

-Chris

*Author Christopher Long's new book, C'MON! -- My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation is available NOW! http://CmonTheBook.com/