Friday, September 21, 2012


Heralded as "The biggest thing to happen to iPhone since iPhone," the top-brass at Apple, as well
as legions of techno-savvy fans 
worldwide are wringing their hands in great anticipation as the new iPhone 5 is unveiled officially today. However, for some of us, it's just another day.
My awesome flip phone offers many state-of-the-art
features, including the option to make phone calls.
Yes, I have been seemingly left behind in a  trail of iDust. But until just (very) recently, I actually considered myself rather techno-savvy – possessing the ability to send and  receive email, take photos and yes, even place calls via my wireless, cellular,  flip phone device.
However, I was hanging out with my buddy Neil Migala at East Coast Christian Center in Merritt Island, Florida this past summer, when I whipped out my device and began proudly demonstrating my ability to check email – from my phone! But instead of "oohs" and "ahhs," Neil responded with a snicker and referred to me as, "Mr. Flip Phone." And I didn't believe that he meant it as a term of endearment. Before long, many others at my church (including young kids) also began calling me by this same peculiar  new nickname. And I soon realized that I had, in fact, missed the iBoat.
But as I take in today's TV news images depicting throngs of iPhone enthusiasts lined up at stores throughout the world, eager to trample their fellow man in order to be the first to score Apple's latest advancement, I'm reminded of a wonderful time before our society became consumed  by  this obsession with iGadgets. It was a simpler life prior to the complications of convenience. It was an era before the realization of our  absolute need to access vital information immediately on demand, 24/7 – riveting must-know data such as Facebook posts regarding who's gunna be ay da club tonight, photos of angry babies flipping the bird or a soft-core porno clip of a scantily-clad so-called pop star, gagged and handcuffed to a fire hydrant while being paddled by midgets.
I remember being the first family on the block to get color TV back in the '60s and growing up in the '70s before "network" became a verb. I recall the '90s – back when cell phones were owned only by an elite few and they were the size of toasters! Heck, I remember the days before there even were cell phones. GASP! How on earth did anyone survive?
Actually, I do own an iPhone.
It offers all of the same features as the standard models.
It's wireless, portable and it can access the Internet.
It's merely transported in a larger carrying case.
(Oddly, this too is a flip version!)

In a related side story, I was engaged in a dialogue earlier in the week with my girlfriend, Michelle, regarding her own potential cell phone options. Suddenly, my ├╝ber techno-savvy eighteen-year-old son, Jesse, chimed in with a bit of personal advice. "Go for the iPhone, Michelle. It will change your life," he offered with considerable gusto. Really? As forty-somethings, I had to consider just how much "change" we can truly embrace.
Say what you will. Call me a "creepy old guy" or call me "out of touch." Either way, the fact remains that in today's ever-changing technological world, the awesome devices that some will so gleefully sell their souls to possess today, will be about as current and relevant as my Foghat - Live and Molly Hatchet - Flirtin' with Disaster 8-Track tapes within a matter of months. Take it from "Mr. Flip Phone" himself!
-Christopher Long
(September 2012)
Author Christopher Long's latest book,
is available NOW on Amazon.

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