Sunday, September 16, 2012


This guy really needs to chill out!
As the 2012 election season
begins winding down, political
emotions continue revving up.
We see it on television, Internet
reports and newspapers – and 
we hear it ad nauseam on Talk
Radio, on the streets and in
our favorite local coffee joints. Unemployment is skyrocketing,
people are losing their homes
and everybody is seemingly
broke. Yet we're consumed
and blinded by the left vs.
right nonsense. And rather
than coming together as a 
nation united in a positive
effort to work through these
troubled times, we choose
to bicker, battle and attack
each other.

Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed.
A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart.
-Jesus Christ
Matthew - chapter 12 / verse 25 (NLT)
I've written at great length regarding this current state of our union throughout the last year. And although on the surface, many of my columns, posts and features appear to be politically motivated, it should be crystal clear (at least to logical-thinking folks) that I merely use politics as a means of capturing readers' attention and then to inspire them  with my real message – one of kindness, compassion, peace, love, patience and understanding. Hooray for me, right? Well sadly, my message is frequently missed by those who refuse to see beyond the (R) associated with my name. Hence, I recognize a need to once again reiterate my mantra.
Even a seemingly innocent convenience store
promotion adds fuel to today's political fires.
As I reported last week, I was contacted earlier this month by a member of a legendary rock band with whom I'd recently felt a personal connection. Clearly, I misjudged the dynamic of our budding relationship. After taking a closer look at my blog – an examination that couldn't have gone deeper than merely perusing post titles, this person sent an email asking me to cease having any further contact with her. A bummer indeed.
Last February, I began contributing a monthly  pseudo political column to a hometown publication here in Florida. Despite my frequent "peace and love" rhetoric and consistent calls for compassion, the magazine's editor began receiving angry letters from "open-minded" readers demanding my immediate dismissal. In one letter I was accused of being an "ignorant Kool-Aid-drinker."  In another, I was referred to as a sheep-like "disciple of Mitt Romney." I found that one to be particularly amusing, as I'd never yet even mentioned Governor Romney's name in print – I was still publicly supporting Michele Bachmann. Although I love it when libs take the bait, my real message – my outreach was falling on deaf ears simply due to that darn (R), and possibly because the photo used for my column was of me wearing a pink McCain/Palin T-shirt. FYI, that election was four years ago, we lost and THE SHIRT WAS FREAKING PINK! Lighten up, Francis.

Am I really that much of a political threat?
Apparently, YES!

Just this past weekend I was DJ-ing in a Florida nightclub. I was approached at closing time by a fellow who appeared to be in his late sixties. I won't say that he looked creepy, but if I saw him hanging around a kids' playground I'd certainly dial 911 – PRONTO!
With rage in his eyes and Pabst on his breath, he physically blocked me from exiting my DJ booth as he began a slurred, f-bomb-filled tirade – demanding that I validate my political beliefs and explain my support of Mitt Romney. With a smile and (attempted) handshake, I informed this man that I was on someone else's clock and was not being paid to engage in any dialogue with him and that I certainly owed him no explanation for anything. Truth be told, I simply refuse to duel with an unarmed man. However, I did suggest that if as Americans, we begin focusing more on areas in which we agree, we'd likely discover that we have more in common with each other than we realize. But my compassion meant precious little as he shook his finger in my face and pointed out with considerable enthusiasm (i.e. belligerence) that he was "as left as it gets" and that I'm "as right as it gets." Duh!
Clearly, this gentleman's desire was only to be combative. And I could have become defensive. I could have requested for club security to have him removed from the premises. I could have even called him some of the same names that he was calling me. But I didn't. I chose to show him more respect than he was willing to show me. And it wasn't like I could go anywhere – he had me trapped in my DJ booth, so I decided to make the best of a dumb situation and allow him the opportunity to hang himself. And what a shock – the longer he spit and spewed, ranted and rambled, the more I realized that Mr. Left-Winger actually knew next to nothing about me and likely had not read any of my columns or features. His conduct merely was being guided by his perception of that (R).
Yes, ol' Lefty was set on beating me down, but I was set on lifting him up. Unfortunately, he wasn't having it. Simply put, the mere thought of me having an opposing point of view was sufficient to make his blood literally boil and he was determined to do something about it. But after a few minutes of his mean-spirited shouting and cursing, the man was encouraged to join his peeps elsewhere in the club before embarrassing himself any further, and I was allowed to finally continue packing my gear and go home.
What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?
-Elvis Costello
Armed Forces - side 2 / track 6 (LP)
So here's the deal. Since I'm obviously gonna receive nasty mail and endure personal harassment at my public appearances merely for stating my beliefs (which I have NO problem with BTW), haters might as well get their facts straight about me and know exactly where I stand on key issues, before setting out to murder my dog.
I believe...
  • in limited government.
  • in maintaining the strongest possible military.
  • I have the right to own as darn many guns as I want – whether YOU like it or not.
  • wealth and success are NOT to be sources of shame.
  • Jesus Christ is the Son of God and his blood was shed for us ALL.
  • if properly "motivated," my girlfriend can beat up ANY truck driver.
  • Tal & Acacia are mightier than The Beatles.
  • being stranded on a desert island with the Olsen twins would be survivable.
  • The Hangover II was a crime against humanity.
  • Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are flippin' delicious.
  • Chris Matthews actually is a comedian. It took me a while to figure that one out!
  • my son is the most awesome kid, ever.
  • Barack Obama will be re-elected in 2012.
  • we can often accomplish far more with hugs than with fists.
  • sushi AND Skittles WILL be served in Heaven.
Relax Rachel Maddow fans.
I've included this pic of Ann Coulter
simply because she's super hot!
Okay, there you have it, stalkers, creepers and haters – REALLY threatening stuff, right? Of course not. The truth is, I'm just an extremely good-looking, run-of-the-mill, former rock and roll guy-turned  author who attends Bible College, watches the news, observes world events and keeps my nail tech and stylist on speed dial. And if we all lightened up just a bit, we'd likely agree on at least one or two of my aforementioned positions – especially the one about Skittles in Heaven.
Yeah, I know that the upcoming presidential election is a biggie and people are ramped up, but let's keep things in check. Go in peace, go in love and GO BACHMANN in 2020!
-Christopher Long
(September 2012)
Author Christopher Long's latest book,
is available NOW on Amazon.



  1. Replies
    1. Indeed, Scott. Great hearing from you again, my friend.


      But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it. MATTHEW 7:14 (NLT)